Bachelorette
Dude, Don't Be Such A Rick

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Sssssssssh!

It's much, much later that night, following the end of Ryan's next sentence, when Meredith finally gets a little confessional breathing room. She sounds literally winded from exhaustion, and tells us, "I think Ryan likes to talk all the time...I like, kind of, peace and quiet." Back on the large piece of woven material used as a covering for warmth out on the broad, level, open expanse of land outside at the institution in which living animals are kept and usually exhibited to the public (ten words for every three), Meredith becomes so overwhelmed at Ryan's continuing congressional filibuster that she just starts to giggle. He shifts topics but not gears, absorbing her manic giggling and asking without waiting for an answer, "What did I do right there that that many people in the world could actually think was funny?" Yes, Meredith. In fact, when confronted with the criminally, blabberingly insane, it's best to smile comfortingly but not to switch to "patronizing giggle" mode. Let him figure out how you really feel when he's thousands of miles away, watching this episode at home, long after he's been booted. Until then, just smile. And maybe sing softly. About things that make little baby hush and not say a word.

Dinner among the giraffes. Meredith kicks off conversation by asking Todd and Ryan if marriage is something guys think about, and Todd is all, "B--" before Ryan unleashes a torrent of words that flood the giraffe cage and send those spindly giraffe legs flying. Oh, man. Every time Ryan formulates a thought, a giraffe dies. What a terrible plight to bear. Meredith wonders if there are some guys in the house who aren't there "for the right reasons," and Ryan cuts through the knotty subtext (and the ever-stretching sea of giraffe carcasses) to ask straight out if she's talking about Rick. Ryan overshares that Rick called the game a game, and suggests that Meredith "look him in the eye like this" -- he says while looking at her forehead -- "and you're gonna know by doing what I'm doing now if he's getting a rose at the next ceremony." Ryan sits back, smug as hell about his clever secrets of social interaction, while Meredith stares back confusedly wondering what she must have smeared across her forehead that made Ryan's eyes become so engorged with wonder just now. ["I think he's just trying to negotiate a one-on-one date using the Jimmy James technique. He also wants a raise." -- Wing Chun] And the giraffes chew on, their small brains barely comprehending the genocide being inflicted upon their kind. There are many giraffes. But without Ryan, Meredith should be informed, there would probably be s'more.

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