Bachelorette

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Blue DeAnna Song

Then the curtain comes up to reveal Natasha Bedingfield standing there, with a guitar player seated on a stool behind her. She starts belting out some song, and all I can say is thank god it wasn't that brain-destroyingly annoying "I love you I love you I love you" song. Jesse sits at the table looking like he's passing a kidney stone, so I'm guessing he's not the world's biggest Natasha Bedingfield fan. So he asks DeAnna to dance. "How many people get to experience her serenading you on a date?" asks DeAnna. Soon enough, state-fairgoers across the United States, is my guess. "When I'm with Jesse I feel like I'm the only woman in the world," says DeAnna. And you know what, DeAnna? Brad would still bail on you.

Anyway, DeAnna has a surprise for the guys on the group date. "They're going to be a little macho today," she says. I don't know how she plans to top the raging masculinity of the line dancing, but I guess we'll see.

"We're going to be driving stock cars," she tells the guys as they pull up at a motor speedway. So the guys get changed into their jumpsuits. Sean calls it a "childhood dream" to race on a track like this, since he and his buddies race muscle cars back home. "You put me on a racetrack, this is my element, baby," he says. DeAnna comes out with her jumpsuit open so the guys can fawn over her. She explains that the guys get three timed laps, and the guy who has the fastest speed wins some one-on-one time with her. I'm still not sure exactly what these group dates prove. One-on-one time is always the "prize" but any guy who wants one-on-one time just asks DeAnna for some.

Brian's up first, and has a hard time getting the car started. He eventually gets it up to 140 mph. Jason manages to get up to: 138.77. Graham doesn't even own a car, and hasn't driven in two years, and yet manages 136.91. "Long as I lived through it, it's cool," is his opinion. Survival is pretty good measuring stick, I'll admit. Jeremy goes 129.93, and I'm guessing the producers edited out the other guys' comments about panties being too tight. He's pissed that he didn't do better. "For DeAnna, I would go to hell and back," he whines. Yeah, and it would take you longer than anyone else to make the trip, Grandma. Twilley says he's not a fan of the sport. I don't think it's so much a "sport" as it is "hours of turning left." He decideds to "lay it out there" for DeAnna, and winds up going 140.59.

But Sean's strapping in now, all deadly serious. He handles the car like a pro. "I'm dropping the hammer, baby! I got this!" he yells, and pulls off 141.11 "I hate to be emotional and sentimental, but this right here means the world to me," he says in a talking-head. Heh. Leave it to Sean to get all misty-eyed over going to a racetrack.

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Bachelorette

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