The Shroud of Rahmon

Episode Report Card
Strega: B- | 2 USERS: B-
The City That Bleeds

Before we start the show, let's all say hi to my new co-writer, Scooter the chinchilla. Hi, Scooter. Scooter says hi back. No, he doesn't talk. Don't be silly. What I do is, I put him in one of those plastic globes like they have for hamsters, and he spells out things by rolling around on the giant Ouija board I painted on the floor. See, it's perfectly reasonable.

Previously on Angel, Kate found out that Angel was a vampire, decided that they should stop "playing friends," her father was killed, and...oh yeah, there's that whole thing with Darla.

My VCR must have traveled through time and space without me, because I appear to have taped an episode of Homicide: Life on the Street. Bayliss thinks that their suspect is "playin'" them. Pembleton notes that the suspect has mental problems. Bayliss says, "We've got one body already. And if she dies --" Pembleton interrupts: "If she dies, he's all yours." They enter the box, where their suspect is resting his head so that we can't see his face. Pembleton, always diplomatic, plays good cop, and asks to hear what the guy knows. He says, "My guess is you got yourself involved in something a little bigger than you expected. You got scared, you panicked, and in the end, there was an officer on the floor. Not to mention, the body without a head." The suspect finally raises his head and -- oh, it's Wesley. Guess this isn't Homicide after all. Although the idea has forced me consider whether Bayliss or Wesley is the more annoying television character. I'll have to think about that. Wesley slams his fist and declares, "She shouldn't have been there. She didn't know!" Wesley goes on about how no one knew what they were getting into, and nervously asks, "You didn't bring it here, did you?" He reassures himself, "No, then it'd be too late for all of us." Okay, Wesley is channeling Norman Bates. This is like channel-surfing without bothering to use the remote. Have I died and gone to heaven? While the cops look on, Wesley murmurs, "He grabbed her hard. Very hard." Wesley quite seriously insists that he's "quite good with the ladies," and Pembleton asks what happened. "It all went horribly wrong," Wesley says, as we fade to a slow-motion shot of a vamped Angel dropping a blonde. Pan up to his over-lipsticked mouth. Maybe Angel is channeling Ma Bates? I'm confused. Oh yeah, props to Alexis Denisof for doing a good job in the teaser.

There will be no better episode than this to note that as the credits begin, the captioning reads: "Captioning made possible by 20th Century Fox Television and Mr. Peanut and Planters Nuts -- relax, go nuts." The cast will be taking that instruction to heart.

Wesley is telling the cops that he was too late. "I tried to stop him, but I got hit, and fell, and when I looked up, he had her." Pembleton leans in close and asks, "Stop who?" Wesley doesn't answer, but instead goes on about how "you don't tell him what to do. He's the boss." He says that Cordelia was with him, and suddenly gasps, "Oh, God. Cordelia."

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