Angel
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Strega: D+ | 2 USERS: C+
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Home of Deranged (Writers)

We're inside a large office, and see Lilah and Angel's silhouettes through frosted glass as they approach. Lilah asks, "Did I mention we have a juice bar?" They enter the room; Angel asks if he's supposed to be amazed by a nice office. My brother points out that if it were a really nice office, it would have better soundproofing. Lilah points out a private elevator to the garage, where Angel's twelve new cars await. Oh, good. Because... Hey, when I say "Oh, good," y'all get that I mean, "Jesus fucking Christ, this is so goddamned stupid that I want to kill someone!" right? I wouldn't want my sarcasm to be veiled or anything. God. I hate this. I'd have rather watched an hour of the actors and writers saying, "Hi, we've decided to piss away everything that made the last two seasons good, and turn this into, well, we don't know, really, but it looks like some kind of crazy-ass comic-book superhero show! Birds of Prey was a big hit, right?" If this had happened at the end of the first or second season, it wouldn't have surprised me, but now? I just keep thinking that they could do something genuinely good here, and they're choosing not to. If this is what it takes to get the show renewed, I could go with the whole "menacing corporation makes them an offer they can't refuse, forcing them to radically change their ways" as an intentional dig at the way they have to make the show appeal to the network. But they aren't playing it that way; it's all "Here are goodies. Enjoy!" Maybe they'll play it up later, like, Lilah will drag Spike in and explain, "You'll need his help to overcome the alphamegamian demogra -- I mean, 'demons.'" Ah, now I lost my place with all the ranting.

Oh, right: cars. Angel doesn't care. Although now I'm starting to wonder if their abandoment of the Angelmobile was permanent. Bastards. Angel starts to head for the door, but Lilah says she forgot to show him the best part. She hits a remote, and the curtains roll open. Angel turns and gasps, covering his face with his hands as the sunlight hits him. Great survival skills, Angel. Shouldn't he have reacted by diving out of the room as quickly as possible? Well, he doesn't, but it's okay, because nothing happens. Lilah explains that the building is fitted with "necro-tempered" glass: "Helps keep those wholesome, uplifting rays from charbroilin' the boss. And thirty percent more energy efficient!" I wonder if that's a shout-out, for reasons way too complicated to go into. "Necro-tempered" is funny. If nonsensical. Angel soaks in the sunlight. Lilah says it would feel even better if he was naked, and hell must be really, really awful indeed if she prefers this. Angel tells her to close the curtains. She does so, and Angel goes back to heading for the door. Lilah calls after him, urging him to think about what he could do with Wolfram & Hart's resources. She lectures him about the wold being harsh and cruel, and can't they set a limit on repetitive phrases? If they want to use "harsh and cruel" all the time, they should have to drop "champion" or something. Anyway, Lilah lectures, "You live as if the world were as it should be. With all of this, you can make it that way. People don't need an unyielding champion. They need a man who knows the value of compromise, and how to beat the system from inside the belly of the beast." Angel snarks that getting into the belly of the beast requires being eaten. Lilah brushes that off and says that in the last ninety seconds, six innocent people died. She sniffs, "Don't worry. There's always six thousand more just around the corner. Or up the coast."

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Angel

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