Harm's Way

Episode Report Card
Strega: D+ | Grade It Now!
Working Vamp

We pan over a dresser to an alarm clock which reads 7:00 as it starts buzzing and spewing music. Harmony wakes up and gets ready to start the day with an invigorating montage. Harmony, you'll remember, is the vampire without a soul. It's the craziest, most daring idea to come from Mutant Enemy in some time. I mean, she's a vampire, but she doesn't have a soul! It's crazy! Whedon, you mad genius, what will you think of next? The song for the montage, which is quite catchy, is "Hey Sailor" by the Detroit Cobras, which is, inexplicably, a cover of Mickey Lee Lane's "Hey Sa-Lo-Ney"; that's more research than I've ever had to do for a teaser before. Harmony bathes and wraps herself in a pink towel. She brushes her teeth with a pink toothbrush. Her bathroom mirror has "Be your best" written on it. Before twenty people email me: we don't see Harmony's reflection in the mirror. She vamps out and brushes her fangs. She lifts up a dresser to find a lost shoe.

Harmony arrives in her building's garage. How does she get to work? Does she have a pink company car with necrofuckingtempered windows? I wish they'd shown Harmony opening a manhole and daintily descending into the sewers for her commute. Instead, though, we see her saying hi to Mrs. Jacobi, a little old lady with a teeny yappy dog. Mrs. Jacobi ignores her.

Harmony arrives at Wolfram & Hart, carrying some dry-cleaning that I guess she picked up at the necrofuckingtempered mall on the way to work. She stops at her desk and picks up a mug that says "#1 Boss," and then heads for the kitchen. As she enters, she jostles a co-worker named Tamika. Tamika spills coffee on herself as a result, and glares at Harmony. Harmony listens to a couple of co-workers griping about their bosses. Harmony tries to join the conversation, but they ignore her. One girl complains, "I mean, making me drop off her stool sample was one thing...." Ew. Although this is kind of what I was hoping the episode would be like. Not a stool sample -- that's what it turned out to be like. See, I thought they'd use this Harmony's-eye-view as an opportunity to show what the other employees at Wolfram & Hart were like, and the basic workings of the office. Like when we'd get glimpses of the intra-office backstabbing in past seasons. I think it would be funny to show that the corporate atmosphere hasn't really changed. Anyway, Harmony gives up on socializing and goes to the fridge, where she pours a mug of blood out of a thermos labeled "Angel! Do not touch." She takes a bowl out of the microwave and starts to nuke the blood. A guy pops up behind her and starts to complain that she moved his bowl. He will eventually be identified as Cary's assistant, Danny. Maybe he's been identified that way in past episodes, but I have a cold and I lack the energy to care. Anyway, Danny is mad because Harmony took his bowl out of the microwave. But the microwave wasn't running. So whatever he was heating is already heated, or he hadn't even started heating it yet, or else he's just insane. Harmony seems to understand what he's annoyed about, which is more than I can do. She apologetically says it isn't fair that her boss's needs come before his boss's needs, and bops away with the mug. So the bowl actually contains something for Cary?

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