Episode Report Card
Strega: D | 4 USERS: C+

Previously on Angel, Fred happened. I've run out of ways to talk about it. Cary never asked, "Friends of yours, Gunn?" when Caritas got shot up. And yet he does say that in the clip we see here. Check out the revisionist history.

Fade up on a sword inches away from Wesley's face, as he says, "You wouldn't dare." The Misdirection-Based-Comedy alarm goes off briefly, and then sizzles and dies as the circuits burn out from overuse. Pull back to reveal that Cordy's holding the sword, and Wesley is berating her for sorting the weapons improperly. I stop the tape, put my head down, and cry for a while. Stop the fake-outs. Please. I'm begging you. No more. There are other sources of humor in the world. Have Angel recite limericks if you must, anything, but please, please stop doing this. I can't take it. I call Johanna and talk about Dawson's Creek for a while until I have the energy to press play again. So, they're tidying the weapons cabinet at Angel's request. Cordy asks, "Wes, who's the boss around here? You, or the guy with the pancreas dagger?" Wesley doesn't answer, because that's when Fred interrupts to ask what time it is. She's sitting on the floor, but not under a table, fiddling with some gadget that she's built in case a plot contrivance becomes necessary at some point. What are the odds of that happening? Cordy tells her that it's "three minutes since the last time you asked." Fred apologizes and babbles some nonsense theory about time until Cordy says, "He'll be back when he's back." Fred looks down and asks, "So, now that she's alive again, are they gonna get back together? Angel and that girl with the goofy name?" Wesley says that's a difficult question, but his guess is, "No. Not a chance. Never, no way, not in a million years, and also, nuh-uh." Never use one word when a dozen will do, Wesley. Fred doesn't understand why that is, noting that Angel is "so strong and handsome and he really listens when you talk." Once again, let's remember that Fred is crazy. Cordy decides that this is a question that can best be answered in improvisation, and imitates Buffy. She dramatically tells the air, "Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together." She does a fair imitation of Gellar's little hand-flinging shrug, too. Heh. Wesley jumps up and joins the fun: "But my gypsy curse sometimes prevent [sic] me from seeing the truth." He says "prevent" because there's a notable edit where a line got snipped. Originally it was "my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent me from seeing the truth." I mention this because it amuses me. In that way where I feel a little bit ill. Wesley squints up at the ceiling and gasps, "Oh Buvvy!" which cracks me up, because he really sounded like Boreanaz there. Cordy spins and dopily asks, "Yes, Angel?" Wesley exclaims, "I love you so much I almost forgot to brood!" Cordy insists, "And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends!" There's a shot of Gunn laughing at the wackiness, which is odd since Gunn's never ever seen Buffy and Angel together, so how much of this is he getting? Does he even know about the getting-sent-to-hell bit? Maybe someone lent him the videotapes. Anyhow, Wesley grabs Cordy's arm and suggests, "Or possibly more." Cordy turns away and says, "Gasp!" Heh. She adds, "No! We mustn't!" Wesley takes Cordy by the shoulder and whispers, "Kiss me!" Cordy says, "Bite me!" Wesley bends Cordy over and shoves his face in her neck. Cordy sure wears a lot of wide bracelets to cover up her tattoo. Angel interrupts, "How 'bout you both bite me?" Fred jumps up excitedly while Wesley and Cordy quickly race to opposite corners. This seems like a good time to note that Cordy is wearing a poofy-sleeved sheer-layered top and the mini-est of miniskirts. And, to complete the look, tan fishnets. That poor, poor girl. Gunn asks how Angel's meeting with Buffy went, and Angel says, "I think those two pretty much summed it up. To be honest, I really don't want to talk about it." Although he kind of bitterly chuckles on that last line, and he doesn't look too upset. Heck, he's wearing a light blue shirt; it couldn't have been that bad. Although, ew, he really should tuck the shirt in. That just looks sloppy. Cordy angles for gossip by insisting that Angel needs to share his grief and longing, because otherwise "the curiosity's gonna kill [her]." Angel quietly replies, "Oh no. Wouldn't want that." Whoops. Fred says she's not at all interested in the details, and a frustrated Cordy tells her to shut up. Angel says that what he needs now is ice cream, and invites Fred to join him. Good thing he's not building up her hopes or anything. Fred enthusiastically agrees to go along, and they head out. Cordy sighs, "Now we'll never, ever know." Angel merrily calls back, "That's right."

A blipvert takes us into the sewers. Fred's holding a cone as she fills us in on what we missed. She babbles, "This has been the best night ever. First there's you takin' me for ice cream, then there's the ice cream, and then that monster jumps out of the freezer and you're all brave and 'Fred, watch out!' And then we get to chase it down into the sewers, which are just so bleak and oppressive and homey. I could build a condo down here!" Sort of the opposite of a deluxe apartment in the sky. Angel puts up with this with incredible patience, and doesn't even blink when Fred asks if maybe the monster just wanted a sugar cone. He'd make a good dad. Which is lucky, 'cause, you know, Darla and all. Angel says that Durslar beasts usually stay underground. Fred manages to turn the conversation back to herself, and chirps that she's just mooching off Angel and she doesn't know why he puts up with her. But then she's distracted by a shiny object. No, she totally is! There are crystals on the wall, you see. As she leans over to look at them, we hear a distant rumble. Fred insists she didn't make the noise, and Angel says that they must be near the Durslar's lair. He tells her to go home, which makes one wonder why he brought her along this far. Fred asks whether Angel needs backup, but Angel says, "Durslar beasts are pretty Faulknerian. Lotta sound, no fury." No, that didn't make sense. I get the reference, but it's wrong and stupid. Just say "All bark and no bite," if that's what you mean. He asks whether Fred can find her way out, and Fred rattles off the exact distance and directions to get out of the sewer. She stops and asks whether she's being a nerd again. Angel nods, because of course, having an idiot-savant sense of direction is a well-known nerdy characteristic. That's why I never, ever get lost. In the building where I work. Shut up. She turns and leaves, although she offers several times along the way to stay with Angel. Once she's vanished around the corner, Angel hurries to pay off the Durslar for giving him an excuse to get away from Fred. Not really, but you'd have believed it, wouldn't you? Instead, we just see a beastie pop up behind Angel, and then there's a battle-vert.

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