Dead End

Episode Report Card
Strega: C | 1 USERS: A-
Dead End

Reprise of the Lindsey waking-up scene. He's got his left arm hooked way over his head, and just looking at him makes me uncomfortable. He wakes up, rubs his face with his left hand, stares at his charm bracelet in confusion, and then brings up the new right hand for comparison. As he twists his wrist, there's the delightful sound of joints cracking, and I am utterly disgusted. Sorry, I just hate that noise. Blah blah blah fish-hands, and Lindsey opens his closet and stares at his instrument. I'm talking about the guitar, people! Jeez! Moments later, he's strumming away. On the guitar! You're all sick. Best caption of the week: "[Strumming.]" Strangely, he does not break into "Both Hands."

At the office, Lindsey's demonstrating his new skill at glad-handing. Lilah strolls up, and Number Two introduces her to one Mr. Kraigle. Number Two says that Kraigle is in "good hands" and wanders off while Lilah, Lindsey, and Kraigle head for their meeting. Lilah pulls Lindsey aside and notes, "That's an expensive operation." Even for an evil lawyer at Wolfram & Hart? Wow. Lilah sniffs that management is showing their love for Lindsey, and growls, "I can't believe they chose you over me." Don't lose heart, Lilah; maybe the new limb is part of a severance package! (You should see the awful jokes I decided against, people.) So, it seems that there's a lawsuit pending, because Kraigle's company carried chocolate in containers contaminated with cytoclistimine, causing cancer in consumers. Shout-out to my love of alliteration? Lilah reassures Kraigle that if the case goes to trial, the jurors will be "hand-picked, or enchanted, by us." Lindsey tops her again, explaining that a lawsuit would be pointless, since the packaging was actually done by a subsidiary of Kraigle's corporation, and that the subsidiary will go bankrupt soon, leaving no one to sue. Kraigle likes that idea, and asks whether Lindsey is taking notes. Does he need to take notes when it was his idea? I think he'll remember it later. The point is that Lindsey is, indeed, scribbling notes, but when he looks down at the legal pad he finds that he's been writing "kill" over and over. A puzzled Lindsey watches his hand continue to inscribe "kill," and finally drops his pen while Kraigle chirps about the great solution to his problem. After a moment, Lindsey suddenly jumps up, grabs his notes, and announces, "I have to go!" Lilah reassures Kraigle that nothing's wrong.

In the ads for this episode, they showed the "kill kill kill" scene, and Johanna and I started wondering whether Lindsey could get a spin-off where he has a new hand every week, and wackiness ensues. Johanna suggested that, if he got a barber's hand, he'd write "Trim trim trim!" I propose that, if he had a dentist's hand, the message would be: "Floss floss floss!" You get the idea. Play along at home. ["Ha! Like The Pretender, but with amputation! I love it. Plumber's hand? 'Plunge plunge plunge!'" -- Wing Chun]

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