Episode Report Card
Strega: D | 3 USERS: A
The Way We Mur...dured

Previously on Angel, Lindsey became -- oh, come on. There's one burning topic on everyone's minds, and it ain't Darla. So instead of bothering with the recap this week, I've decided to write a 10,000-word essay titled, "Why Spike is my boyfriend." Ready?

Let's start with his coat. I believe that --

[Some time later, a visit from the MBTV attack lawyers results in the deletion of the remaining 9,992 words, along with the repeated use of terms like "breach of contract," "pathetic schoolgirl crush," and "mandated psychological treatment."]

Um. Sorry. So let's get right to the show! And not talk about Spike unless it's actually relevant! Or they'll have to increase my medication! Okay? Great! Previously on Angel, Darla returned, Lindsey implied that Wolfram & Hart had a plan to deal with Angel, Angelus sired Drusilla, and Angel was cursed with a soul. It didn't happen in that order, of course.

Angel is sitting in his room, sketching. We see he's adding the final touches to a portrait of Darla. Perhaps for the upcoming Angel coloring book, just in time for Christmas. My goodness, he has GIGANTIC fingers. I can't decide if it's just the camera angle or not, but I don't think it is. I mean, they're so large, they're actually in proportion to his head. That's just freakish. Wesley appears in the doorway behind Angel. Get this: Wesley's wearing a pale pink shirt, brown pants, and a burgundy and gold striped tie. All of which appear to be several sizes too large for him. Johanna says that he looks like a little kid dressing up in his father's clothes. Without turning around, Angel asks what Wesley wants. Wesley says he's just "popping 'round to see if everything's all right." Angel says it is. Wesley steps into the room and asks if there's anything Angel wants to talk about. There isn't. As Wesley walks further into the apartment, he treads on the crumpled papers littering the floor. Wesley assumes (as do we) that all of these papers are more drawings of Darla, because Angel is Captain Obsession. I suspect that actually many of them are sketches of unicorns and rainbows and fairy princesses. Because Angel is also a big poofter.

Fade up on Darla, curled up in a chair with cuts on her hands. Lindsey enters, fresh from a visit with Dawson's barber. It seems Darla's done some redecorating, if by that you mean she's smashed everything that seems smashable. Lindsey probably feels just like he's walking on broken glass. 'Cause he is. Lindsey goes over to Darla and notes her injuries. "Something happened?" he asks. Darla replies, "Oh, God, yes. So many things. I remember them all. Which one were you thinking of?" She's being a tad literal. Lindsey says that they should have waited before sending Darla to see Angel. Darla dreamily responds, "You never talk about yourself, Lindsey. Got a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Someone special?" Lindsey says, "There's no one." Apparently, Darla affected interest in Lindsey so that she could whine some more, since her response is, "You can be with someone for 150 years, think you know 'em, still, it doesn't work out." She tells Lindsey that he should have seen her and Angelus together. Lindsey says, "He was a different person then." "And so was I," replies Darla, all little-girl-lost. She asks if Lindsey knows what they've become. "Enemies," Lindsey guesses. Darla says, "Oh no, much worse. Now we're soulmates." And she giggles.

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