Conviction (1)

Episode Report Card
Pilot Light

We're all clear that Eve's "catch" doesn't make the least little bit of sense, right? If they kill all the evil clients and the Wolfram & Hart goes under, or the branch does...that's a bad thing? It's better to keep the branch running at a profit, which will benefit the entire corporation, and just weed out the top 10% of the baddies so that they can continue weeding out only the top 10% of the baddies. Oh, whatever. I'm just glad that the first season is being syndicated now, because it really gives me some perspective on all this. At least they finally got rid of the visions, right?

Cut to later, as the MoG have gathered in a conference room to look over their list of clients. To establish that what they're learning is disturbing; Fred says, "I think I've lost my appetite, which is kind of a first," because Fred eats a lot. Cary looks up from a folder to say, "Apparently, old Joe Kennedy tried to get out of his deal with the firm." Angel says that explains a lot, and Cary adds, "Yeah, but George Senior -- he read the fine print." Political humor! Edgy! Gunn summarizes the folder he's looking at: "Corbin Fries. On trial for smuggling Asian girls in for cheap labor and prostitution. Been charged with drugs, gun running -- nothing stuck." Angel says he'll have his secretary clear up the piles of folders tomorrow, then pauses to wonder if he has a secretary. Wesley figures, "They'll find you someone who can stomach the idea of working for the side of the righteous." Fred notes that they'll have to watch out for "evildoers plotting against [them]." And with that, it's bedtime. Do Fred and Gunn still live in the Hyperion? Does Wesley ever wonder why his closet is lined with bars? Hm, I'd like to go to some bars right now. Boy, it's hard to pay attention to this show.

Gunn steps back into his office to grab his coat, and finds Eve sitting on his couch. Eve helpfully reminds Gunn that he used to fight vampires with his own gang, and asks if he's ready for "the next step." Gunn insists that he is. Eve says, "I can see why the senior partners chose you," causing me to wonder if there's a Post-It taped to his forehead that says, "King of the morons!" With that, she hands him a business card. She exits, saying, "You'll feel like a new man." Wesley is lurking outside, and asks Gunn what Eve meant. Gunn lies, "Tailor. Guess I'm not dressed for success." Has he lost weight? He looks skinny.

Panther-vert. The next day, Angel is still sorting through piles of paper and mail. He picks up the envelope we saw in the mail cart, and then tosses it aside before punching a button on his phone and hesitantly asking for a cup of coffee. On the speakerphone, we hear a male voice say, "You have reached ritual sacrifice. For goats, press one, or say 'goats.'" Heh. Angel hangs up and tries a different button. A woman answers, "This is Angel's office. How can I help you?" Angel says, "This is Angel." She insists, "No, this is his new assistant." "Nooo, this is Angel." "Are you sure?" Angel isn't, but nevertheless he asks for coffee, or blood if there is any. He hangs up, but not successfully, and we hear, "To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key." "I already did that one last season," Angel grumbles, and tries to hang up again. Well, that was fun. The phone rings, and this time it's Wesley asking if he can come talk to Angel about "a situation." The secretary enters and places a mug on Angel's desk while keeping her back to the camera. Angel tells Wesley to come on over, hangs up, and then takes the mug and sips it as he looks up. I cry, "Spit-take in four, three, two..." Angel puts the mug down and doesn't do a spit-take. I can't believe it. It was a perfect set-up for a spit-take. And he would have been doing a spit-take with blood. That's comedy, dammit! Is Jeff Bell even on the show anymore? Sigh. Instead, Angel just stares and finally says, "Harmony." For it is she! Zounds! He asks if she's his secretary. Harmony prefers "assistant." Angel makes an inviting gesture as he suggests, "Explain why I shouldn't kill you." Harmony concedes, "Secretary's fine." Angel doesn't think it is, and wants to know what the heck's going on. He missed Fred's explanation earlier, you know. Harmony burbles, "I'm a single undead gal trying to make it in the big city -- I have to start somewhere. And they're evil here; they don't judge." She also mentions the necrotempered glass that allows vampires to frolic in the daylight, and the dental plan, which she needs because she's a vampire. She goes on, and on, and gets around to claiming that, like Angel, she drinks pig's blood now. Angel smells his mug and notes that it tastes pretty good. Harmony smugs, "The extra ingredient is otter."

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