Conviction (1)

Episode Report Card
Pilot Light

Cut to the school as the inconspicuous black van arrives and a bunch of inconspicuous ninja leap out and race into the building. Now wearing gas masks, they head straight to Matt's classroom, because the Wolfram & Hart files are incredibly detailed. One kicks the door open, and two others toss gas canisters into the room. They hurry inside and line up neatly along one wall, with their guns aimed at...empty desks. Wait, not entirely empty: Angel is sitting casually at one desk in the back of the room. He cheerily greets the ninja by saying, "So it turns out [that] with this new deal and all, I own a helicopter!" With necrotempered windows, I assume. And he landed it in the underground helipad at the elementary school. Fine. Hauser asks where Matt is, and Angel says that the ninja just missed him. Because along with the helicopter, Angel also has the ability and authority to evacuate a school in moments, without any difficulty. In Los Angeles. In 2003. The whole "How will Angel get to the school in time?" question seems to have been created solely to distract us from the "What exactly is he going to do when he gets there?" question, because answering that second one would take more than a punchline. Hauser guesses that Matt is isolated somewhere nearby. Angel asks, "Do I even have to start with how fired you all are?" Hauser laughs and removes his gas mask, insisting, "That's not how it works." Angel asks if Hauser wants to show him one of their traditions. Hauser does, and orders his troops to open fire. On Angel. The vampire. Now, the ninja should already know this, but just in case the audience doesn't, gunshots won't kill Angel. Bullets are sprayed all over the place, and luckily none of them breaks a window. Although Angel did think long enough to let the blinds down. Angel ducks behind the teacher's desk until the ninja get bored with the gratuitous gunfire. Finally, one ninja pulls out a wooden knife, which shows a little more sense, and approaches the desk. Angel, in vamp-face, knocks him out, and then there's some more gunfire and neck-snappage and desk-fu. Another ninja pulls out a little canteen marked with a cross, and they waited till now to pull out the holy water? It's not that they're evil; they should be fired for incompetence. Angel kicks it away, and then there's a lot of kicking and a whirling-dervish kick, and so on and so forth.

Lawyerly shoes walk down the hall to the courtroom. Who is this mysterious person? We pan up slowly, but once we hit the hands the camera hurries on to the face, because after all, there's only one black man in Los Angeles, and his name is Gunn. And he's got a nice pinstripe suit now! He marches into the courtroom and requests a moment to confer with Keel. The judge grumbles, "Another defense lawyer. What a joy." Gunn whispers to Keel, and Keely then cedes the floor to Gunn. Gunn promptly moves for a mistrial. The judge asks what the grounds are. Oh my god I'm so bored. Gunn takes a while to explain that Fries is one of the owners of a company that the judge has stock in. The judge insists that she couldn't have known that, but Gunn replies, "I found out, and I've been on the case six hours." He spews some more legal stuff. The judge finally says, "I'll see counsel in my chambers. Right now." We're clear that "mistrial" doesn't mean "not guilty," correct? Fries looks back a little more happily at Wesley and Cary, so maybe he doesn't know that.

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