Blood Money

Episode Report Card
Strega: D+ | 1 USERS: D
Blood Money

And now, the main event. A banner reading "Highway Robbery Ball" hangs over the doors to the venue. I thought Anne called it, "The Big Hold-Up." Not that either name is a real winner. Why not "A Fistful of Spare Change," or "Support Your Local Shelter" (with host James Garner). Yeah, those suck too, but they suck slightly less. But it's all okay, because there's Holland on the big screen. Yeay! He's sitting on a park bench in a Mr. Rogers sweater, ruffling the fur of a lovely collie as he oozes wholesome fatherly appeal. He goes through a generic PSA about runaways while we pan across the ballroom floor full of guests and reporters. Anne sips a drink. Back on the screen, Holland reaches out to a crazy homeless person from central casting. Holland helps the androgynous urchin up, and hearts are warmed all over the place. That was funny. The tape continues, and a creepy bald guy with thick glasses moves through the crowd. He's a cross between Drew Carey and a turtle. Turtle guy greets Lilah, and asks how the party is progressing. Lilah's dialogue boils down to: this will be not only profitable but good PR for the firm. Then Lilah calls Anne over and introduces her to the turtle, whose name turns out to be Nathan Reed. Anne looks very pretty. She has escaped the wrath of the wardrobe mistress. She thanks Reed for his help, and Reed says, "I like to think of my job as underlining the 'heart' in Wolfram & Hart." He and Lilah tell Anne how important she is and how she's doing great work and so on.

Up on a balcony of some kind, Lindsey is checking the security. The flunky he's talking to assures him that if there's a vampire within 100 feet, they'll be notified by Zorn, the vampire detector. Lindsey says that if that happens, the flunky should alert Boone. Zorn lurks in the background wearing a hooded robe.

Back on the ballroom floor, Holland's going for a big finish. In front of the Wolfram & Hart logo, he asks, "Can we really change the world? At Wolfram & Hart, we're counting on it." Snicker. The picture freezes, and the caption, "Holland Manners, 1951-2000" appears as the crowd applauds politely. Then Lilah speaks from the podium: "Holland Manners is gone, but I feel he's looking down on us tonight. Don't you feel it?" More applause from the audience, more giggling from me. "The truth is, Holland had a vision of the future most of us can't imagine. Let's make it come true, together." Lilah announces that they aren't going to ask for money, they're going to "take it at gunpoint." She introduces the "celebrity bandits from the hit show, Life Lessons: Serena Tate, Holden Raynes, C.J. McCard, and Jordan Johns!" Wild, goes the crowd, as the celebrities hurry out in Hollywood-ized western wear. They run around the crowd, pointing toy guns and collecting money. Like, cash in large, neatly labeled envelopes. And jewelry. No receipts are offered. But everything about this episode is ludicrous, so let's just go along with it. A security flunky looks up and sees a hooded figure we assume to be Zorn. Well, if we saw the ads for this week's episode, we assume no such thing, actually, but whatever. Back on the floor, a blonde is handing her jewelry over to Serena Tate. The blonde asks, "I have to know: this thing with making your character gay -- is that like, all about ratings, because I don't get it." I laugh for about ten minutes. Apparently Joss Whedon didn't think that was funny, which just makes me laugh harder. Also, the blonde and her husband look kinda like Dawson's parents. Or maybe it's just me.

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