Blood Money

Episode Report Card
Strega: D+ | 1 USERS: D
Blood Money

First, I have an important correction to make to last week's recap. In it, I said that while the show was airing, Johanna was out shopping for Backstreet Boys Valentine's Day cards. The truth is, she was looking at N'Sync Valentine's Day cards. The Backstreet Boys cards she found were generic, and not associated with any particular holiday. I am deeply and profoundly sorry for any anguish caused by my error. Please forgive me.

Previously on Angel, Angel cut off Lindsey's hand, left a bunch of lawyers to be drained by vampires, set Darla and Drusilla aflame, and fired his employees. Next stop: the wardrobe department. I hope.

Cordelia's apartment. Close up of Wesley whispering, "You think I don't have what it takes?" Close up of Gunn replying, "I know you don't have what it takes." I'm sorry, I must call a time out. Can we gather all the writers for Buffy and Angel over here for a second? Come on, people, huddle up around the monitor. Now lean in real close and pay attention here: The out-of-context gimmick? It's over. No more. You only cut in on the middle of a scene like that when it's actually a wacky, trivial situation. You've never, ever done it when there was something suspenseful going on. The gag only works if we think it might be serious. We don't. We never have. It's just boring. After just those two lines of dialogue, I figured that Wesley and Gunn were playing Foosball. I was wrong on the details, but right about the basic concept. Do you understand? I don't want to have to explain this again. Sheesh. Now I have to start the recap all over again.

Cordelia's apartment. Wesley and Gunn are playing Risk. Sorry, did I spoil the joke? No, I didn't, because it was predictable. Right. Gunn is winning, and describes the situation thusly: "Three-fifths of the world covered in water, the rest covered in me! Who's your ruler, baby?" That's when Cordelia stomps out of the bedroom in a robe and points out that it's getting late. Her hair's even shorter and streakier. I liked the other cut better. Wesley says it's only 7:30. It's hard to blame Cordy for being blunt (much like her hairdo) when she says, "Really? Oh, in that case...get out!" Wesley worries that Cordy will have a vision, but Cordy says she'll call if that happens. Gunn says, "What if Angel --" Cordy glares, "I thought we weren't gonna say the A-word." Did they all become twelve years old? Wesley insists that they aren't waiting to hear from Angel, and they're on their own, fighting the good fight, blah blah blah Doyle-cakes. Gunn points out they have no plan, office, or business cards. Because business cards are such an important part of battling evil. Actually, it appears that they are, because Wesley says the first thing they should do is get new cards. He pulls out one of the Angel Investigations cards, and Gunn has to go through the whole sad bit about how the drawing looks more like a lobster. Three minutes into the show and I'm filled with bile. Gunn and Wesley start proposing new mottoes, one of which is "We'll catch you when you fall," and of course that's when Cordy gets a vision and keels over. Still waiting for a joke they haven't made before. Cordy describes her vision: "It has two heads, and it breathes fire. It's gigantic! And it's rising up in the sewers beneath Kenyard School for Girls." Gunn and Wesley scurry off.

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