America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Slaughterhouse Jive

Anya is up next, wearing a meat vest. Anya's got sauce. Steak sauce, that is. She works it pretty well for someone whose girlish bosoms are covered in brisket. Katarzyna gets kudos from Trevor. Stacy-Ann pretends to scream. Trevor tells her that she should scream for real rather than fake it. She looks like she might just go crazy and start chomping on the pork loin at any minute. Whitney is next, wearing beef boy shorts and a meat neck wrap. Jay tells her not to rely so much on her booty. She listens to his advice, and he gives her praise for looking less pose-y. Next up is Marvita, who holds a huge leg of beast like she's freaking Barney Rubble. And really, "meat freezer" is Marvita's genre. You knew she'd rock it.

Lauren is next, and Trevor comments on how tall she is. She's as tall as a hanging carcass of meat! She shows the beef panties off to her best advantage by thinking of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and pretending she's Leatherface. We all need to pull inspiration from somewhere. Lauren gets perilously close to a saw. The most surprising part of this is that Jay seems to know what type of saw it is. I'd never suspect that he aced metal shop in high school. Dominique is up next, determined to have fun with the shoot. We get a big ole' close-up of her pork crotch, which is entirely too much to handle. She sits on a big bucket of meat. Aaaaand, this is where E. coli comes from. I smell a recall! Jay gives Dominique a lot of praise for taking in the judges' criticism of the last several weeks and for sitting on the meat bucket.

Aimee is next. She is really squicked out, and she doesn't even have to wear the beef panties! Jay tells her that she looks like she's smelling dookie. Maybe this somehow reminds her of that mysterious secret Mormon temple ceremony? I doubt that the special Mormon underpants are made of ribeye. In any case, Aimee is disconnected and the whole thing isn't working. Amis is next, and has no clue. Jay has her slide a big meat carcass back and forth, just to get some motion in the picture and avoid her standing there looking awkward. I think she might actually be wearing filet mignon earrings. Those earrings are $21.99 a pound.

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is getting a boot sturdy enough to withstand a sloshy, meat packing plant floor. Aimee is nervous to face the judges, because she doesn't want to disappoint them. Stacy-Ann tells Lauren that she looked awesome at her shoot. Lauren kicks her legs around gawkily. I think she forgot to take the beef panties off. Lauren hopes she's not on the chopping block because of her multiple runway disasters.

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America's Next Top Model




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