America's Next Top Model

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Slaughterhouse Jive

The girls are then introduced to their audience, a whole bunch of cute firefighters. They do a runway walk. Katarzyna tells us that she was nervous, but she loves runway and so will do her little turn on the catwalk any chance she gets. Miss J. compliments Claire's strut. Anya looks like she's walking on hot coals, while Miss J. wants Miss Whitney to eat 'em alive. I guess they don't want to run the risk of another borderline plus-sizer getting all skinny again this year. Dominique thinks she has the best walk, but Whitney says she knows drag queens who walk better than Dominique. Isn't that kind of an unspoken norm given who's teaching this course in working the fire pole? And speaking of, Dominique flirts a little too hard when she gets down to the firemen in the audience, which J. says she shouldn't have done. He tells her she's one step away from bending right the heck over in front of them and massaging her own ass. He demonstrates this, of course, to the delight of New York's finest. Fatima has a weird, slow clomping walk like a Clydesdale, but not even one that will bring you a bottle of Budweiser. What use does anyone have for that? Miss J. interviews that he has lost all faith in "this girl." He could be talking about Dakota Fanning for all we know. I can't imagine his interviews are without tangents.

And then there's Lauren. Before she even starts, Miss J. says, "God bless you." He reminds us how awful she was in the Times Square Badgley Mischka show, and adds that she has no confidence in her body. As she walks, Miss J. asks if her legs bend. She tells him she used to be bow legged as a kid. J. interviews that Lauren has all the elements of being a great top model, but she just doesn't know it yet. He gives her some instruction, telling her to "just walk." It's actually good advice, as half of her problem is that she's really stiff. Then, of course, there's Amis. She skips down the runway like a fool. J. wants to know what's up with that, and Amis says it makes her feel good. You know what won't make her feel so good? A punch in the throat. Miss J. has great restraint not to deliver one.

When the girls get back home, Aimee says that she's going to take a shower. Claire tells her that people have to pee, and she can't just get in the shower and lock the door. Aimee tells them to pee, and then she'll use the shower. And really, I don't understand what the issue is here. That sounds totally reasonable to me, and from my experience, you do not get between a girl and her shower. However, things escalate. Claire and Dominique argue that there are 11 girls and only three bathrooms. Aimee takes this point to her advantage, saying that she doesn't know why it's such a big deal when there are two other bathrooms available for peeing. Aimee interviews that a few of the girls know that she doesn't feel comfortable being butt naked in front of everybody. For some reason people are upset about this. It's so weird. Personally, I think this happened later chronologically, after the upcoming photo shoot, and the girls are all suffering from mad cow disease. There's really no other explanation.

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America's Next Top Model




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