America's Next Top Model
Where The Girls Are

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Bring On Some Fresh Meat, Already

The next question is, "How has appearing in the competition improved your life?" Bre says that instead of having to break down doors to get auditions, people now call her. The fine folks at Nature Valley wanted Bre, and they made no bones about it. Cassandra says that she's stayed busy, and that she's now interning for a UPN affiliate. Kim agrees that the show has opened doors in terms of acting and whatnot. Kim says that it's important to her to be a good representative for the gay community. Well, too late. She was on the cover of Go NYC, has been doing a little modeling, and might appear on The L Word. People have also come up to her and told her that she was a role model, or helped them to be more open and confident about their own sexuality, and I think we can all say for sure that that is a good thing. Lisa tells all the girls that they should take a moment and appreciate this moment together. Kim throws a pillow at her as we finally head to commercials.

And before we return, we get another commercial for Season 6, in which Leslie seems like she might be kind of an asshole. Since she was my early pick for the winner, I must say: drat.

Tyra tells us that when it comes to making it, there's no place by New York City. But if you're going to make it there, she says, "you'd better prowl that concrete you own it." I would think that if you owned New York City, you wouldn't have much trouble finding modeling jobs at all. Tyra's shirt is kind of short-ish and it makes her look rather thick through the middle, which might also be a byproduct of how it emphasizes her already huge chest. She was in a state of revived beauty last season, but I think she might be slipping. I just saw on Best Week Ever how she went undercover at a strip club to see why men enjoy strip clubs so much (which, I know, way to handle the hard-hitting and not obvious topics, Tyra) and then she was going to strip also. She's totally the Gloria Steinem of the 2000s. Except that she chickened out at the last minute, and no stripping occurred. Way to not cross a line after letting the Victoria's Secret catalogue-loving world become so familiar with your cleavage that they could fashion a replica out of an ice cream cake. Here's to integrity!

Anyway, like a bad case of recurrent shingles, the first predator in the concrete jungle is Yaya. Yes, Fucking Yaya. We get flashbacks of Yaya being pretty and compliant, which I think we can all agree is an unfair representation. Yaya says that since we first met her, she's had a lot of time to sit with herself and figure out what she wants to do. She says, "This is it. I'm an actor." Quick, someone notify the Academy. We see Yaya's Radio Shack commercial, in which she plays against type and acts like a spoiled jerk. She's also going to appear in the film Take The Lead starring Antonio Banderas, which seems to be a fictionalized version of Mad Hot Ballroom but with inner-city high-school kids rather than elementary or middle schoolers. She walks on the streets of New York, and she is wearing Ugg Boots, as several of the other girls in this special are. And Ugg boots are, of course, the world's most hideous shoe. I am particularly pleased to see Yaya wearing them several years after they've been declared over. Yaya tells us how excited she was to hear that she got the part in the movie. She was on the street and she screamed and jumped up and down, and then stopped because people were looking at her. But then she started screaming and jumping up and down again, because she's just so charming and spontaneous. She tells us more about her character in the movie, a student named Lahrette, and we see a few clips. Then she talks a lot about Antonio Banderas, and in a roundabout way intimates that she pretty much sucked on her first day and had a diva crying fit in the bathroom. But Antonio was there to calm her down. He was probably just so excited not to be looking at Melanie Griffith's puffy fish lips that he wanted the day to go on as long as possible. Yaya says that she's just going about her life and sometimes forgets that she's a recognizable face. But she never forgets how humble she is, on account of how people are always reminding her of it. She's very busy and hopes that her hard work will pay off. She says that it's less her hard work, and more the hard work of all the people who have paved the way. I guess she means like Adrienne and Yoanna. She hopes that she can make them proud. Oh, Yaya. You already have!

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America's Next Top Model




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