America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: B-
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We Know This World Is Killing You

The challenge begins! Lauren, as you might imagine, is not so skilled with the makeup. Marvita tells us that the girls crowded around the mirror like vultures, and were bumping her every which way. Allison interviews that she might sound like a horrible person for saying this, but that she's doing a lot better than most of the other girls, Fatima included. That doesn't sound horrible so much as incorrect. But enjoy that baby carrot you'll be having for dinner. For her part, Fatima thinks she's doing an awesome job. I would trust Fatima with nothing beauty-related, since she was obviously complicit in whatever the hell happened to her hair to make it look that way.

With time up, the Cover Girl folks dole out their critique. Claire looks great, and knows the magic technique of dotting lip gloss on the center of your lip and spreading it. Oooh, ahhh. Lauren could go far with a rosy cheek. Whitney picked a good lip color. Fatima matted everything out, and needs a bit more color. I think her main problem is that her face actually is a totally different color than her neck. Allison looks good, but a bit like she applied her makeup with a blow torch. Claire is the winner. Her picture will be on the WalMart.com Cover Girl page.

Back at home, Claire tells a few other girls that she takes the whole competition more seriously because she has a child and wants to support her family. She thinks that perhaps Dominique, who also has a child, might relate. Amis blathers something about the fact that when you're a mom, you should be there to make a better life for your child, rather than getting fame for yourself. Shut up, Amis. I don't say that with malice. I really just want her to shut up. Dominique -- who is a single mother -- does want to make a better life for her daughter, and to encourage and inspire her, as well as anyone who has been through an abusive relationship. She wants her daughter to have healthy self-esteem, and never to let anyone break her down. It's hard to argue with that. However, I don't see what it would hurt Dominique to try boxing or car repair instead of modeling.

In the giant bed, Allison notes that she has two dolls, and asks if anyone wants to play with them. There is a black Barbie, and a white Barbie. Hmm, I wonder where this is going. Black Barbie tells white Barbie that she has a big ass. Allison then stuffs some Kleenex in black Barbie's butt and says, "Okay, you're black, you need more junk right here." Aaaaand, my work here is done. Fatima is justifiably offended, and thinks that Allison needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own anorexic issues. Frankly, I think both of them need to turn the asshole volume down a notch, but what do I know. Oh, and THEN. Speaking in black Barbie voice -- which, I believe, is complete with a little accent -- Allison says something along the lines of "I like to take it in the back, 'cause I'm black." Why do the white girls who like to take it in the back never get any credit? "I'm white, so I like it where I shite." It's just as catchy. In the underseas world, the tilapia all like to giggle when they say, "I like it in the pooper, because I'm a grouper." Okay, no, but seriously, did Allison just really say that to the (a) black girl whose (b) genitals were mutilated? Yes. Yes she did.

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America's Next Top Model

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