America's Next Top Model
The Girls Who Go To Milan

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Camille straps herself onto the back of the Vespa, and she and her driver vroooom off into the Milan evening. He points out a castle and a fountain, and she tries to speak his international language (of Italian) by telling him she thinks it's "bella." Then she falls sound asleep on his shoulder, and when he wakes her up to drop her off, she says, "I'll miss you!" He walks her to the door of what I guess is where she's staying, and she gives him a big hug and he picks her up. He tells her, "I want everything good for you" and kisses her on both cheeks. She tells us in a confessional that "a very nice man" wanted to "win [her] heart." Oh, dear. Does the "humanizing Camille" aspect mean that they're trying to set us up for when she wins so we have to think it's okay? No, actually. Because she gets booted this week. I've already watched it. Do you think I do this in real time?

Tyra's own bobble-headed self has headed off to Milan, and the girls check back in at D'Management, where they discover Tyra and David. Tyra asks them what the hardest part was for them, and Shandi volunteers some ambiguous thing about feeling like she's learning while she's going. The easiest part is, according to April, is "the Vespa." Tyra gets right to it, delivering the results of the Go/Sees (is a slash okay? Did it work for Face/Off? I don't know anymore). First up is Shandi, who is appropriately high-fashion for Milan, but is "way too shy and not self-confident." April is "very strong in appearance," but very weak in all of the other areas. Like what? Being friends with Camille? Isn't that what we learned is going to win this competition? Because it surely isn't about being pretty, according to the feedback we've been getting so far. Same goes for Yoanna, whose jet lag is so bad she must feel like the time difference is "between whenever she became skinny and the first day of ninth grade." Because, you talk about not wasting words, Tyra: "They said that you had a really gorgeous face but that you had to work on your body." Dear Fatty: enjoy your telemarketing career. Love, Italy. I mean, Jesus. With whom Yoanna ought go and have herself a bit of a quick chat, actually. ["See, I wasn't sure that meant she was too fat so much as too knobby, like she needed to put on a little more weight and distribute it evenly all over her body. Like, whenever Nigel said, weeks ago, that he'd hate to see her in a bathing suit, I interpreted that to mean he thought she was too weird and bony. But maybe I'm just fanwanking that statement because I am not a size 2." -- Wing Chun] Mercedes was "weak in [her] appearance," but strong in other areas. Like what? Novelty belly-dancing acumen? Vespa exterior color? A kick-ass collection of Pokemon cards? Camille's look might be "too classic and standard," but she was very confident in a way that will get her booted later. Rating all five girls overall, the person voted as having the best scores overall is Camille. She actually has to pat herself on the back as the other girls clap quietly and politely like it's fifteen-love. Except nobody does. They clap like it's fifteen-like.

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