America's Next Top Model
The Girls Meet Taye Diggs

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Turning Japanese

Eva is the Cover Girl of the Week. I'm sorry, but that is all lies. Toccara totally won a write-in campaign.

The girls are packing their bags, y'all, because they're going to Tokyo! Ann says that she's heard that Tokyo is New York to the tenth power -- e.g., crazy. Ann needs to get rid of the sideways trucker hat, pronto. Norelle is nervous and says, "I hear that...I don't know if they're called...Japanese people is [sic] from Tokyo? Or Tokyans?" Oh, my sweet little dumb-ass, how you sparkle and shine! Ann says that she hates flying, and we are treated to a bit of her nervous breakdown from the Jamaica trip. But, she says, there's no way in hell that she wouldn't get on this plane. See, she's already being kind of likeable, which is really confusing me. Yaya says that the Tokyo trip itself is great, but that being in luxury class is the icing on the cake. Oh, shut up.

Ann, Eva, and Norelle ride to the airport together. Eva says how great it is that Pink Positive is going to Tokyo together. Norelle says, "Hopefully one of us makes it to number one. And hopefully, it's us three." And this is the girl whose math skills are better than Yaya's. Eva says, "All I've got to say is we got to promise not to get bitchy." Ann says, "I don't think we ever would, though." Foreshadowing, underpaid by UPN and thus ignoring the finer subtleties of editing, sees fit to caption these last statements for emphasis. Norelle says that the girls in Pink Positive have all bonded and try to help each other out. Just like Billie Jean King tried to help Martina Navratilova out with her "backhand" on that magical night so many years ago. You know Norelle is like, "We should have a logo for Pink Positive. Maybe a triangle. Or a rainbow!" The girls check in and board the flight. Yaya and Amanda luxuriate in the exorbitant first class setting, drinking champagne and eating tasty desserts in their roomy leather chairs, while the rest of the girls sleep uncomfortably in Coach.

Tokyo! The girls dance around. Ann, who is historically afraid to fly, says she was glad to get off the plane, but had no nervous breakdowns during the flight. The girls meet Koko Niwa, their adorable tour guide. Nicole interviews that Tokyo is crowded and hot and makes New York look like po-dunk. Or Dogpatch, as it were. The girls stop at a shrine. They are met by a delegate from Uranus who is dressed in the hooded garb of a Buddhist monk, as designed by Victoria's Secret. Oh wait, it's just Tyra. Konnichiwa! Tyra says that she brought the girls to the avant-garde fashion capital of the world, and that it's important for models to know different cultures. Norelle thinks, "I eat yogurt every day!" and is pleased with herself. Tyra says that Tokyo is home to some of the premiere fashion designers, including Issey Miyake and Yohji Yamamoto. Before beginning their journey, the girls have to undergo a purification ritual in which they ask for protection, prosperity and good fortune from the Gods. The Gods are all, "Bitches, please." Tyra sucks in her stomach and says, "Welcome to Tokyo!"

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America's Next Top Model




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