America's Next Top Model
The Girls Meet Taye Diggs

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Turning Japanese

Tyra Mail! "Prepare to die. Be ready at 9:15 a.m." The girls look puzzled. I, however, look gleeful, because I am desperate to take this particular Tyra Mail literally. Norelle interviews that she was nervous, "because you never know." I think the same thing, and have a minute of joy and hope. The girls enter a small theater, where they are greeted by something that must have quite a commute from its home under the bridge. The troll grunts a hello and introduces itself as Sande Shurin, acting teacher. Please let this be a bloodthirsty creature! And I'm sorry, but this show has some of the homeliest consultants that I've ever seen. The troll tells the girls that it is there to teach them about acting, and specifically a cold reading acting technique. It then plucks a hair from its giant wart and takes a bite of gristle soufflé. Yaya says that she wants to model, but that maybe can take an acting class and discover some hidden talents. Oh, such a triple threat she is. I just want to drown her in a vat of benzoyl peroxide.

The troll says that it has worked with a lot of models who have crossed over into acting, and my mind reels thinking of all the success stories. Nicole says that she was excited for this challenge, because she studied method acting when she was in theater (e.g. North Dakota High School Drama Club presents L'il Abner. And yes, all of North Dakota has but one high school). The troll tells the girls that they are going to do an exercise called "accessing the emotional body." Sounds of crickets chirping. Norelle says, "We were like, 'Huh?'" Norelle then says, "I've never done acting before. The only acting I do is my own personality. Like, I live in my own world, I'm my own actress." And I know she doesn't make any sense, but she says everything with such a cute smile that I can't help loving her. The troll tells the girls to put one hand on their heart and one on their solar plexus, and let their creative selves come to the foreground. The troll asks them what they see in their minds' eyes. As an example, the troll says that it sees dirty underwear and toenail clippings. Freaking Amanda, who is already crying, says, "Roses and rain." She interviews that she started crying because she saw her son's face. Nicole interviews that she had to say she saw nothing, because the first thing she saw in her mind's eye was not appropriate. I really feel like we, the viewing audience, have been robbed of a good "Nicole is a whore" subplot this season.

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America's Next Top Model

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