America's Next Top Model
The Girls Go to Jamaica

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Dance Hall Days

Kiara is next, in a dress that looks awfully wedding-inspired. Maybe she and Korey will tie the knot right here? As Johnny tells her that she's involved in a scandalous affair with the raft boy, she assures him that everyone will feel the scandal. In an interview, Kiara tells us that this is a dream come true. So many smooth and buttery abs! All within arm's reach! The dudes are so hot, she says, that she forgot she was modeling. So I guess she's thinking she's just in a run of the mill threesome on a river raft? Someone alert Showtime! And though a threesome with Rob and Korey sounds amazing at first mention, when you think about it...well, it seems like you might wind up awfully sore. It would be a blessing and a curse, I think. Victoria tells us that Kiara is flirting with Korey, per usual, and might be getting a wee bit distracted. Laura and Kristin agree that none of Kiara's photos have been good, the people of earth hate her (as evidenced by her terrible social media scores), and she needs to go home next. Johnny tells us that Kiara really had her eyes on her male models, but needs to find the image that will win over social media. As a 17-season veteran of Top Model recapping I say: good luck with that, hunty.

Back at home there is Tyra Mail of Doom. Someone will be going home! A tearful Leila tells us that she worked very hard to come back, and now that she's regained entry to the competition she feels even more pressure to prove that she deserves to be there. And then there's Victoria. She calls her mom to assure her that even though she's been feeling sick for some time now, she's getting a bit better. Victoria assures her mom that she's getting enough to eat, and her mom is proud that she's managing to stay alive and conscious. Maybe it's one of the home school tenets to give your children praise for basic achievements of survival? Victoria is trying to regain her confidence, and points out to us and herself that she wouldn't have entered the competition if she didn't think she had an excellent chance of winning. Well, "excellent." She has faith in herself, and is ready to move forward. One grapevine at a time.

And then it's panel time! The girls are wearing particularly unflattering sarongs, which serve to make Tyra's weave look the tiniest bit better. There are prizes, there are judges. And I guess this is as good a time as any to note that there is a warrant out for Rob Evans' arrest. And it's not for the crime of being too darn hot, as you would suspect.

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America's Next Top Model

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