America's Next Top Model
The Girl With The Deliciously Tacky Dance

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Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Drunken Angel

Previously: Michelle had facial lesions stemming from creepy crawly flesh-eaters on her face, which the doctor diagnosed as impetigo and not so bad after all. Nevertheless, the other girls panicked and lobbied the show's producers to see if they could have her isolated à la John Travolta in the 1976 classic The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. Though it was a good idea, they failed in their mission. Tyra told Lluvy that she had the worst photo in the history of ANTM, but it was the non-modelesque Noelle who was sent back to her bratty miracle baby at last. Ten girls remain!

Los Angeles! A fresh film of smog hangs over the skyline. Tiffany asks Michelle if she has news from her doctor. Michelle says that her impetigo is clearing up and should be gone in a couple of days. Lluvy asks if she's relieved. No, you idiot, she loves the way weeping sores set off her jawline. God. Michelle says that the impetigo is "not as contagious," so the other girls should be safe. Lluvy says, "Now you can rub your head on our pillows." Michelle thinks, "On your dirty pillows, yes." Michelle tells us, yet again, "I have impetigo, like, a bacterial thing, but the fact that my skin is, like, clearing up and everything and it's going away is definitely lifting my spirits." And, like, now she can just worry about, like, her gender ambiguity and borderline personality disorder and everything. For some unknown reason, we then get a few seconds of Keenyah and Brittany rubbing and patting each other in bed. Fully clothed, of course. Lluvy says she is sick of being in the final two. We get a flashback of Tyra telling Lluvy that her pictures suck. She says that she knows she's got to step it up 110%.

Tyra Mail! "Top Models need to have good figures. How bankable are you?" The girls all repeat, "How bankable are you?" in unison. Keenyah then says, "Good figures," while rubbing her fingers together, indicating that she believes money will be involved.

The girls enter an office building in the financial district. Lluvy says that after they read the Tyra Mail, many of the girls believed that they were going to be auctioned off. I bet they'd get a collective $47 on Ebay. Then, in waddles a man who looks suspiciously like Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He tells the girls in a really weird voice that he has a standard contract agreement that each of them must sign. And I must confess that I knew instantly that this was Tyra's dad. He's just too weird, and she's just too into nepotism. Soon she'll be hiring her brother Carlton to do choreography. Tatiana asks what the contract is for. Uncle Phil tells the girls that there's not much time. Tatiana says she's confused. I bet that happens a lot. Uncle Phil tells everyone to finish. Lluvy says that the girls had to either sign the contract and go into another office, or not sign it and wait outside. Brittany says that all of the girls felt pressured and confused.

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America's Next Top Model




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