America's Next Top Model
The Girl Whose Lips Puffed Up

Episode Report Card
Djb: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Camille-y Mouthed

The Second Avenue Deli is where the girls...aren't. An amusingly misleading establishing shot of that very famous kosher locale (often referred to, as a result of the klezmer font on the outside awning, "The Zecond Avenue Deli) cuts over to a twee Village tavern where salads take the place of pastrami, and empty wine racks take the place of any other food. For some reason, in public, April and Mercedes compare the size of their stomachs, which they puff out to enormous proportions in a way that makes them almost resemble real-sized people. Poor Mercedes. Not even able to scratch the surface of her maladies in last week's hour-long special, Lupus: The Sleepy Killer, we never got to learn what else this tormenting disease causes you to lose: your inhibitions.

Meanwhile, down at the other end of the table, a sudden cry of "Ew, Camille puts ketchup on her pickles!" refocuses the attention on the central conflict this week and proves to me that all you need to write a children's book is the title. Sure enough, the troublingly random foursome of Camille, Catie, Yoanna, and Shandi sit at a corner of the table, and Camille constructs her "lunch" out of six pickles with a pool of ketchup dumped right in the middle. Yoanna tells Catie that it's kind of rude to point at someone's lunch and yell, "Ew." Yoanna defending the actions of Camille? Thursday night and Friday will be on Tuesday night instead! And yes, it was rude of Catie to just decry another person's "meal" right in front of the rest of the group, which is why I support Yoanna's decision to jump down her throat and Mercedes's subsequent confessional in which she vicariously-through-us tells Catie to "SHUT UP." And yes, it's not like pickles and ketchup never meet on some meals which contain both ingredients. And yes, the most annoying thing someone can do with ketchup is to spell or pronounce it "catsup," and in fact has nothing to do with the consumption of the product in question. But I mean, still, all considered, you have to admit that's kind of the eating disorder special. We knew a girl in high school who we used to refer to simply as "mustard bagel," because she would eat the same thing -- a sesame bagel with light mustard -- for lunch every single day. Little did we know that that mustard bagel was the only thing she was consuming, and boy did that nickname stop in a hurry when she was hospitalized. Anyway, ketchup and pickles is the Atkins-age version of that story I just told you.

"Guys, there's Tyra Mail," Yoanna calls out from the front room, a sure sign that the producers are slowly rescuing her from two week's worth of quiet holding pattern to begin the final drive toward her inevitable victory (pleeeeeeeeeeeease?). Suddenly flanked by Shandi, Yoanna gamely reads, "The world is full of color, but sometimes it's seen best in black and white." This means they will be doing a black and white photo shoot. Or it means that lupus makes you colorblind.

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America's Next Top Model

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