America's Next Top Model

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Just Let The Bitch In The Shower, Already

When we return, it's time for Panel. There are prizes, there are judges. There are also funny little puppets that pop up behind a couple of the judges, which make me think I'm having an acid flashback. Neal Hamil is the guest judge. And then, I shit you not, a gong sounds. Yes, a gong. A Chinese dragon comes out and blinks its eyes. Tyra apparently speaks its language, which should come as no surprise. Tyra translates, letting the girls know that this dragon/lion just told her that they are going to CHINA! And then, like, some warriors come out and start throwing swords around, and Tyra opens and closes a big fan, and there are more gongs. Next, I suppose a young schoolgirl is going to come out and tutor them in math and violin. Someone will need those skills, as it were, because there are seven girls in front of Tyra, but only six will be going to China. Okay, that is pretty cruel. I love it!

Jenah is up first for evaluation. The judges love her photo, per usual. Tyra says that she was all over the place in her film, in a good way. She took risks! Heather is up next and gives a happy hello, which Nigel enjoys. Twiggy loves Heather's shot, but Miss J. thinks she looks like she has to go to the toilet, and Tyra says that it was her weakest shoot to date. She asks Heather what she was feeling, and Heather says that she was having one of those weeks where nothing goes your way. She brings up the challenge, and says that she tried her hardest, but that it seemed like something was missing. Neal says that this comment is probably directed at him since he was very hard on her that day. He tells Heather that this is a business, and that it's not personal. He's there to give her his honest opinion. And then determine who gets to be the center square. Tyra tells Heather, "It's called compartmentalizing, and it's something I do." Uh, yeah. So we gathered. Twiggy loves the attitude in Saleisha's photo, but Nigel says that her shot is pretty, but not striking. Tyra says that Saleisha took some chances in her film, but only for two frames. She tells her to go all out. Nigel says that Chantal's picture is her best to date, and Twiggy agrees. Tyra says that Chantal's legs look a trillion miles long, and Miss J. adds, "They look as long as the desert." Someone call Ezra Pound and tell him his successors have been found! Ambreal is up next. Facially, she looks beautiful, but as she's sitting down, she's no longer showing the clothes. He tells her to take elements of what she would do, and then remember that she's a model. Tyra loves Ambreal's face in the photo, but in a lot of her shots, her legs are facing the camera straight-on when she's sitting down, which looked weird. Bianca is next, and gets complimented on the shorts she's wearing. Bianca says that she got them from a little store called Jenah's closet. Hee. In her photo, Bianca actually looks like she set the car on fire. Miss J. says she's like, "Yeah, I did it. Now what? Yeah." Neal repeats this sentiment, and sounds like the wimpiest, whitest guy ever. He thinks that Bianca looks great. The judges all love it, and Tyra says that Bianca was herself, and that it really worked. Lisa's photo gets resounding silence for a moment. Her face looks great, but her body doesn't get any raves. The judges think she looks kind of squat, and that her legs look short. I think her legs actually look really long, but maybe I still can't see straight since the shiny dragon visit. GONG!

Heather is the Cover Girl of the Week for, like, the millionth time in a row.

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America's Next Top Model

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