America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Just Let The Bitch In The Shower, Already

And then, Bianca says, "Can I say this without being, like, wrong? Okay." It's like a wind-up for trash talking, right there. There's also no pause between "wrong" and "okay," so she's really not asking for permission. Bianca adds that she used to look at Heather as a really big threat, but that now she thinks that Heather has an amazing face, and that's it. And to paraphrase Patty Smyth, sometimes an amazing face ain't enough. Bianca interviews that Heather has pretty pictures because her face is pretty, but that she doesn't do anything that stands out. I think this actually is last week's episode, minus the wall slide and crappy Enrique Iglesias song. Ambreal adds that a lot of people are looking up to Heather, but that she fears for her when she opens her mouth. She might have a point there. Heather curls up under the covers, meanwhile, blissfully unawares. That stuffed monkey she sleeps with heard everything, though, and is going to suffocate some bitches in their sleep.

The next day, the girls head back to FIDM, where they are greeted by the Mayor and Mayoress of Freakville, circa 1974. It is Neal Hamil, once again, looking like he's fifteen minutes late to his gig hosting Card Sharks, and Ann Shoket, editor-in-chief of Seventeen, who is wearing one of Brett Somers's hand-me-down muumuus. They are freaking me the fuck out. Ann Shoket tells us that the winner of the challenge will appear in a gorgeous holiday jewelry story in Seventeen's holiday issue. The cover model will be up-and-comer Vicki Lawrence.

The girls meet up with their designers and are fitted in their dresses, all of which are at least partially ugly, and some of which are truly hideous. Jenah loves her dress, but Bianca doesn't think that hers works at all. Heather interviews that her designer is sweet and artistic, but that the dress just isn't her. Well, get over it and work that shit on the runway, is what I say. Have these girls learned nothing? Benny Ninja tells the girls that, on the runway, they'll each have to say a couple of lines about the outfit, and how they inspired their designer. They'll be judged on their runway performance, as well as how well they embody the design that they helped create. He tells them to own it. YES. Benny Ninja is totally being groomed to be the next Miss J. Which, good for him, even though I think he might benefit from higher aspirations.

Bianca is first out on the runway in her terrible, terrible ballerina outfit, and says, "Didn't you know I was Yuko's muse? Well, I have inspired this 2007 remake of Cleopatra Jones. So ladies, hold onto your dudes, because you are gonna discover Cleopatra's got a bit of an attitude." Okay, two things. (1) Either Bianca is being funkily Afrocentric, or she actually thinks that Cleopatra's last name was "Jones." (2) Was the rhyming couplet in the second half a shout-out to Nipsey Russell? Because if so, bravo, my friend! Bianca says that she's serving it, and thinks she's got it.

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America's Next Top Model




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