America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Retaliates

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Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Red Bullshit

Backstage, Jay brings the girls photos of the famous works of art they are emulating. Kim gets dressed in her Birth of Venus outfit, and lackeys rub Olay Quench all over her supple tummy. Instead of being in a classic lesbian signifier clam shell, as would be the obvious route, Kim will be emerging from a pool toy slash inflatable toilet bowl. Jay tells her to make her hands more graceful and not so much like catcher's mitts, and he totally stole that line from Janice. Oh, how I miss her. Jay says that you can't allow the competition to get in your head when you're modeling, and that unfortunately Kim couldn't find any grace in her stance. One really has nothing to do with the other, since normally Kim has the grace of Ed Asner. Backstage, Jay asks Jayla if she's been studying her picture. Jayla says she's seen it. She interviews that it should be a piece of cake because she's sat in a makeup chair, staring into space and not moving. Jay tells her that she should get on a chair and start working it out. She leans back and laughs and says she's already posing. Oh, just sit in a chair and give the twit what he wants, you big jerk.

Nik poses as the Vitruvian Man. Barry says that she used her arms in the most gymnastically coordinated way, and was completely in touch with every extension of her body. See, that's focus.

Jayla says that Whistler's Mother is boring and depressing, but that her challenge is to make it modern and sexy. The whole thing is very Whistler's MILF. Barry directs Jayla and says that she brought modernity to Whistler's Mother beautifully. Oooh, I hate when she does well.

Backstage, Kim asks Nicole, who still hasn't shot her photo, if she's going to ask Bre to pay for the Red Bulls. Nicole shrugs and asks if Kim thinks she should. Kim says that she doesn't know what to do in this situation and then STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT, JESUS. Bre's an asshole, but she kind of has a point about that. Nicole says that Kim has already involved herself in the situation, and did exactly what Nicole asked her not to do -- confront Bre at the shoot. Nicole secretly has really good sense, and Kim secretly really likes shit-stirring.

Meanwhile, Jay happens to be sitting right in the corner and asks, "Who confronted what?" Kim wastes no time in telling him about GranolaGate. Nicole says somewhat warily that now Jay knows everything. Jay then quoth, "This is like the whole age old story of, know like the movie Showgirls or whatever?" There is no reference more fitting if this week's theme is great art. He tells Nicole that when competition heats up, people start to go kookoo, and there's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you. Jay says that when girls get together, there are going to be fights, but that you need to learn how to put that stuff aside. Nicole tells Jay that she thinks Bre might have done this because it was right before their photo shoot, but that she wants to prove that it's not going to affect her at all. Jay says that it's time to get Nicole to set, and that he's proud that she isn't letting this affect her. A lackey slathers Olay Quench on Nicole's supple, bare leg as Nicole says alluringly, "What's that smell?" My cat Miss Itty wakes up and yells, "MY FARTS!" at the TV, paws at her fluffy toy mouse a little, and falls right back to sleep.

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America's Next Top Model




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