America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Retaliates

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
Red Bullshit
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Bre and Kim had a showdown in which Kim cried and ostensibly felt bad about how much shit she talked behind people's backs; the show set up some fake-ass paparazzi to snap the girls' photos; Lisa was eliminated somewhat unjustly; and I put cranberries in my Thanksgiving stuffing. Delicious!

And meanwhile, while the credits are playing, allow me to tell you about the greatest thing on TV in, like, ever. Yes, it is CMT Crossroads, one of my favorite shows, featuring none other than LIONEL RICHIE AND KENNY ROGERS!!! It was so great it may have even trumped my other favorite Crossroads featuring Elvis Costello and Lucinda Williams, if not only because Kenny and Lionel are practically LOVERS. It was some of the best ninety minutes of my life. You want fierce? Try "Easy" with a side dish of "She Believes In Me" and a "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town" chaser. And now, back to our regularly scheduled recap.

We're in London. Nik confessionalizes that Lisa's elimination was surprising and shocking. Kim agrees, and says she thought from the beginning that Lisa would be in the top three. Bre says that their mouths all dropped when Jayla's name was called. See, even though they all hated Lisa, they knew she was a good model. Conversely, even though they all hate Jayla, they knew that her ass and all the crabs that crawl around on it should have been out of there weeks ago. The top models aren't that different from you and me, after all. Nik says that it's scary that Lisa did so well and still went home, and that it indicates that any of them can go home at any time for no reason at all, and I don't know why this news is new, because if Top Model is anything, it is an extension of Tyra's mood swings.

Bre and Kim sit at a window in their hotel suite. Kim says, "How amazing would it be if you and I were in the top three together?" Bre squeals, and they trade a few "amazing"s, and maybe they are just talking about a trip to the Amazing Superstore? Not that I know what that is, mind you. Kim interviews that the whole limo incident was blown way out of proportion, and we get a flashback of Bre calling Kim obnoxious, and Kim taking it like the puss she secretly is. Kim says that they've put their problems aside, and that they also want to help each other out because they care about one another. And as Tyra has shown us, caring equals yelling. See what she hath wrought?! Bre interviews that, in London, the competition has become even fiercer. So fierce, in fact, that it "boggles the brain." Or, in Nicole's case, it boggles the space where the brain would be. Bre tells Kim that God has plans for her. She does not tell Kim that those plans involve yet another can of whup-ass. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

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America's Next Top Model




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