America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Overslept

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | Grade It Now!
Model Behavior

By amazing coincidence, Nigel shoots April just as Jenascia enters the studio. She's holding a fan and has a serpent painted all up and down her body. Meanwhile, Nigel consoles the freaking Jenascia with a hug and then she loses it in a confessional. "Bitches!" Heh.

Catie is the "Heavenly Eve," and I think she makes a reference to something called "The Fifteenth Chapel." Is she just guesstimating? Man, these girls are dumb.

"Their coochie [sic] was showing," Anna reports. "Plus, the male models down there. Where your private party is." Um, "private party"? Is she kidding? Have you guys ever heard it? I don't know if I love it or wish I were dead. ["Plus, this does not bode well for her ability to educate her child properly know, his peanut and its eventual relation to ladies' hoo-has." -- Wing Chun] Anna starts to cry and decides she's not going to do it. She tells Nigel, who tells her they'll "do whatever we need to do" including shrouding her in a robe and making sure she's not showing any naughty bits. Anna holds her ground, and Nigel asks her to leave. A giant neon sign goes on above my TV reading: "Jenascia vs. Anna: two enter, one leaves" and they could just stop the episode right now and skip to the end, for my money.

Back in her earlier, wail-ier confessional, Jenascia tells us, "If this doesn't get me eliminated, it's on. It's so [bleep]ing on." Nevertheless, I hope it's Jenascia who gets booted. Her name is much, much harder to type.

Back at the loft, Anna tells us that she feels like her decision not to pose nude "didn't jeopardize [her] chances at all." And I think wearing socks means you're not wearing socks at all. See, saying that is dumb and false. Do you see the comparison, dear? But never mind, because she's reading. So...ssssh. Because there are a lot of words to sound out on the TyraMail! To wit: "Tomorrow is your first meeting with the judges. Only eleven of you will continue on." Word on the importance of the TyraMail.

One by one they walk into what Tyra calls "the infamous judging room." First of all, saying that something is infamous does not automatically deem it so. Second of all, the first truism is made all the truer if you don't really know what the word "infamous" means. Tyra introduces her (everything is "hers") panel of judges: Janice Dickinson, back in the day "one of the first supermodels." Now, Courteney Cox trapped in the chamber of The Fly with The Joker. Next is Eric Nicholson, the senior fashion editor at Jane. He's supermodel, thanks for asking. Lastly is -- dun-dun-DUN -- Nigel Barker, porn-y photographer of the naked contact-lens shoot. What a twist! Tyra reminds us that the winner of the competition gets a contract with IMG Models, a cosmetics campaign with Sephora, and a spread in Jane, which she calls "the hippest, trendiest magazine out there right now." Hee! Good one, Tyra! See? She's just like folks. Oh, wait. She wasn't kidding. Even Nicholson gives a look that's all, "Oh, man. I can't believe she just said that." Eric! I live in New York! Call me!

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America's Next Top Model




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