America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Needs Six Months Of Modeling School

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Stopping Short

And, back at dinner, Adrienne drags the girls through pools thick with envy, as she tells them about her diamond campaign, which required her to spend the whole day in a pool covered in diamonds. She tells them that this is "the opportunity of a lifetime. Don't screw this up." By being too short.

Tyra Mail tells the girls that they'll be "shocked and amazed" by their photo shoot, and we cut over to Jay "What A Man What A Man What A Man What A Mighty Good" Manuel, who tells them that their new challenge is as follows: "As a top model, you guys need to learn how to take on the persona of someone else. So today we're gonna turn you girls into some of the world's most famous celebrities." He introduces the photographer, Andrew Eccles, who takes a Polaroid test shot of himself starfucking his client list, announcing his favorite people are to work with: "Tyra...." Dude, you've already got the job, okay? Dial down the ass-kissing before a stray camera catches you reading one of "best-selling author" Janice Dickinson's books during a lull in the shoot.

As part of discovering their own personal styles by becoming other people entirely, here's a who's who of tomorrow's Vegas impersonator acts: Catie is Marilyn Monroe; Mercedes is Billie Holliday; April is Catherine Zeta-Jones; Shandi is going to be an extremely unconvincing Nicole Kidman; Sara is going to be Angelina Jolie; Camille is Diana Ross; Jenascia is a shorter Salma Hayek; Yoanna is Audrey Hepburn; and Xiomara is going to be -- who? Grace Jones? Is it Grace Jones? Is it? It is, right? -- Grace Jones. I'm totally surprised.

And so is Xiomara. Sitting in a chair with her arms all angrily crossed, Xiomara grouses so much that Tyra has to come to the rescue by telling Xiomara what an exciting transformation it will be because of how much Xiomara doesn't look like Grace Jones at all! Andrew tells us that Jenascia didn't really carry her doppelganger star's confidence, and, at least according to the editing, it looks like she responds to one of Tyra's movement suggestions with a sarcastic "Do this! Do this!" that actually elicits a nasty glare from Tyra. Sara pulls off her Angelina, but Andrew thinks she's holding back just a bit. Shandi was nominated for as many Nicole Kidman impersonation Oscars as Nicole Kidman has recently been nominated for actual Oscars. To Andrew, April is "that unique find that turns up now and again." Meanwhile, back at Jackrabbit Slim's, Catie pulls off an okay Marilyn. And then there's Xiomara, who is painted head to toe and wearing what appears to be a garbage bag on her head in an outfit she got into facing the wrong way. So, yes, looking pretty much exactly like Grace Jones. "I didn't think I looked like her," Xiomara tells us afterward, "But now I know I do." Weirdest. One to grow on. Ever.

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America's Next Top Model

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