America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
High Flying, Unadored

Back at home, Jenah and Sarah streak through the house and jump in the pool. Blurred bits! My favorite. Bianca says this really is like ANTM summer camp. It's like T-Zone, but with more gays doing your hair and makeup. Janet, meanwhile, says she's a lot more mature than the other girls and can't be swayed by how they play pattycake and get naked. She actually says "pattycake." Is that a double-entendre? Janet is all about practicing. A fat lot of good it does her, but you can't say that she didn't put in the effort.

Next, the girls head to an ice rink. Heather tells us quite emphatically that it was, "Freezing! Ass! Cold!" She thought to herself, "Oh crap. Ice." Heather is so weird but also a riot. Benny Ninja meets the girls once again and tells them that today they are going to pose not only in the air, but on the ice. AT THE SAME TIME! Lisa, who has never been to an ice-skating rink in her life, speculates that they're trying to kill the models. Lo, I have prayed for this day! Commercials.

When we return, the models are a tad bit nervous about their impending deaths. Sarah, in a voice reminiscent of Grover crossed with Bea Arthur, interviews that she is very tall and long and awkward, and does not want to be flipped on her head by a very small man. I, however, want nothing more. Benny tells the models that they won't be judged on how well they skate, but how well they pose. Work that bloody gash! Benny then introduces famous skater and frightening goatee enthusiast Lloyd Eisler. ["Also, because Potes is apparently not trashy enough to care: That's Kristy Swanson enthusiast and scandalhound Lloyd Eisler, who was paired with Swanson on the execrable Skating With Celebrities while he was still married and his wife was pregnant, and who left said pregnant wife to be with Swanson, and who later was present when said formerly pregnant former wife and Swanson got in a slapfight resulting in assault charges." -- Miss Alli] Eisler tells us that in pairs skating, the boy is the frame, and the girl is the picture. In this case, the picture of desperation. During the challenge, Benny will give the girls an emotion to convey in their pose. I'm guessing "fear" would be too easy. Ambreal is feeling good about her chances, since she did so well in the trampoline lesson. Benny introduces two fashion experts who will be judging the girls: Ann Shoket, editor-in-chief of Seventeen, and...Cycle 6 winner Dani nee Danielle! Dani looks awesome, and has made great strides in taming her accent. I do enjoy her.

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America's Next Top Model




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