America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Is A True Miss Diva

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Somebody Does, In Fact, Put Wendy in the Corner

It's the next morning! Yay! Kari points out that Wendy is distracted, and Wendy interviews that she's slowly getting over everything that happened in New Orleans. She says that she didn't know where her parents were for a while, but that they finally got in touch. Nice how they gloss over this bit of information in a five-second clip. We were all worried! (But not worried enough to stop talking about how fug Wendy is.) And, not to judge, but if you were Wendy, wouldn't you want to try to see them or something? An extremely fluffy-headed post-makeover Kari (way to hold our suspense!) says that Wendy has a lot of things on her mind. If she wants to clear it out, she might try using some of the storage space in her nose.

Warren Tricomi salon! Tyra tells the girls that it is a day of transformation. Foreshadowing rears its short-haired, dyed-blonde head as Jade interviews that she needs long hair because, in the fashion industry, long hair sells. There will be a photo shoot immediately after the makeovers to capture the girls' new looks. Tyra introduces the "masters" of color and style: Joel Warren, colorist, and Edward Tricomi, stylist. Edward Tricomi looks like Iggy Pop. There's also another guy there, but I guess he made a joke about coloring Tyra's hair with barbecue sauce, so he doesn't get a proper on-screen introduction. Also, I am loath to mention this, but feel I must: J. Alexander is standing there with curlers in his hair. He's not even saying anything and already I wish he would shut the fuck up.

Tyra tells the girls what their new looks will be. Kari will get a Bridget Bardot sexy 'do. Leslie will get thicker and more luscious extensions. Sara will have hair that is short on the sides, longer on the top, and Brigitte Nielsen blonde. So scary German lesbian dominatrix mullet, then? Perfect. Sara interviews that she is shocked, because that's nothing like her personal style. Danielle is going to get a long, wavy weave. Brooke is getting Gisele Bundchen hair. Joanie will become more blonde and icy. Nnenna is going bald, and to her credit, she takes this without any sort of shock or whining. Tyra makes fun of Furonda's casting wig and her current real hair, which looks like it was shorn with hedge trimmers. She says that one of her favorite looks was Season 4 Tiffany's long, straight hair, so that's what Furonda's getting. Furonda thinks this will be good to give her positive energy. It worked so well for Tiffany, after all. At this point, Tyra probably thinks that it is within her power to actually turn Furonda into Tiffany just by giving her the same hair, so she can wordsmith her tirade a little and/or add a few extra tears. Wendy is going lighter. Gina will get an edgier, angled cut to make her more high-fashion and less of the dumb-ass that she is. Mollie Sue is getting the Mia Farrow haircut that Cassandra shunned. Oh, come up with some new ideas already. And last but not least, the stylists would like to make Jade look softer, sweeter, and more elf-like. Because when I think soft and beautiful, I immediately think of the gorgeous bearded creatures toiling away in Santa's workshop or making shoes in their mushroom house. To achieve this look, they're going to go shorter and blonder. Jade takes this as she takes everything: with a grain of insufferable.

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America's Next Top Model

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