America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Impresses Pedro

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Girl Who's Not No Fucking Lesbo

And, of course, through crazy hats! Tia tells the girls to act like and embody the characters that correspond with their hats. Natasha makes a really crone-y witch, and scares me with her evil cackle. Dionne has a hat that looks like it's from the south, so she says something about Alabama and fans herself. Whitney sexes it up in a leopard-print chapeau. She gets points from Tia for touching her lips and her body, which is what a sexy seductress does. I've actually had fingers surgically implanted onto my lips so that I can achieve this effect 24-7. Brittany has a jester's hat and does a somersault, landing in front of Tia. Tia commends her for not being afraid to be silly. Jael has a queen's crown on, and acts very regal. And then Renee has on a pioneer lady/Holly Hobby bonnet and gets all teary and slow-walking. Tia commends her, even though pioneer women were known to be fierce bitches who would cut you if you got under their wagon wheels. Jaslene has a big feathery drag queen mask on. She says she deserves to be America's Next Top Model, because these bitches are bleeeeeeeeeeeep. It's such a long bleep! I wish I knew what she said so I could use it in regular conversation.

Tia gives the girls a script, and tells them that they have two hours to memorize it. There are three different characters, and the girls have to give a different kind of emotion for each. The first one is a sensitive girl -- "a melodramatic Brittany type," according to Jael. Then there is a diva, and finally a perky, bubblicious model. The girls are all wearing hats and scarves, which either means that they are getting into character, or that the heat in the theater hasn't been turned on.

The girls head toward the stage. And who should walk out but...Efren Ramirez! Yes, that's right, Pedro, of "Vote For Pedro" fame. He looks a lot older than I thought he would be. When he first walked out, I would have sworn that it was Edward James Olmos. "Vote For Jaime Escalante" doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? The girls will have to do their scene with Efren, who will pick the challenge winner.

Brittany is first, and seems to really excel at the melodramatic bit. Then there's Dionne, who randomly speaks with a Jamaican accent. She says that she doesn't know where that came from, because she doesn't speak Jamaican. She is being serious. Renee seems super-dramatic and sad. Efren says that she started with a big bang and was fully committed. Renee says that the judges told her to step it up at the last Panel, so now's the time to show that she can do that. She then does her "diva model" bit, and at one point kind of gives me the willies with her crazy eye makeup and intense look. Natasha...is not going to win the challenge. Jaslene forgets her lines, and says that she felt really retarded. Whitney plays a perky model, and Efren says that her personality was great from the beginning to the end. Jael...is Jael. Overall, I have to say that this acting challenge was kind of disappointing, and not nearly as hilarious as the ones from past seasons. They didn't even try to make the girls cry! What's up with that?

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America's Next Top Model

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