America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Has A Temper

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Double Trouble

Oh, but they soon find out. They go to yet another random building and wait on a checkerboard floor. Soon, some ballroom-esque music starts, and down the stairs come the two biggest flamers you have ever seen in your life. (I say that with affection for flamers in general, but not for these two in particular.) They are Richard and Ron Harris, two middle-aged bald black men wearing matching black pants, white buttondown shirts with collars up, long black sleeveless muumuu-esque garments, and red sweaters tied around their shoulders. They call themselves the "Aswirl Twins." In addition to being really fucking annoying, they are the enemies of grammar.

Richard and/or Ron says that, earlier, Miss J. taught the girls to take off their blouses and jackets. Blouses, you say? Is that whole Janet Jackson boob thing still preventing us from seeing all the hot action? Ron and/or Richard says that today is about body movement and "making the garment flow." Ron and/or Richard says that they taught Tyra (which they pronounce "Taah-ra") the swirl. We see Tyra swirling on the runway at a Fall 1993 Isaac Mizrahi fashion show, and I can't say for sure whether she looks fierce or just plain stupid. Joanie interviews that the Aswirl Twins are like Count Dracula meets a hairdresser. That's not stereotyping at all. She adds that they're awesome. The twins aswirl in unison. The girls get dressed in evening gowns, and the twins give them an aswirling lesson. This lesson, such as it is, involves the twins twirling around in front of the girls and saying, "That's aswirl." Like, there's not so much to teach, because you just twirl around. Here, do it. Get up now and put one hand on your hip and one arm out and spin around twice, or maybe thrice if you're really feeling it. You now have earned a certificate of aswirling mastery.

The girls swirl with varying success. Leslie mostly kind of walks, and then swirls at the end. The twins note that she was tense the whole time. Furonda interviews that aswirling was difficult at first, because she kind of thought it was a dance, like the two-step or electric slide. Awww, doesn't the mere mention of the electric slide make you wish you were at a wedding reception? The twins mention something about twirling and garments and wraps and scarves, and Joanie admits that she really doesn't know what they're talking about. In fact, that is because they make no sense. Sara says that her dress is difficult to walk in, not to mention swirl in. Ron and/or Richard says, "Sara aswirl with a stiffness." I'm sorry, but is that even a sentence? For that matter, is it even the English language? I recognize most of the words, but I just can't glean any meeting out of it. And then, in their coup de grâce on the war against grammar, Ron and/or Richard says, "Sara also were affected by her heighth." Augh. The swirling lesson is blessedly over.

We quickly swirl back home, where Nnenna is on the phone. Danielle sits on the couch with Brooke and complains that Nnenna has been on the phone for an hour, and that she must think she's in her apartment. Danielle interviews quite awesomely, "You see the sun rise, you see it set, you see the Eiffel Tower, you see the crows cock...all that going on, and Nnenna's still on the phone." Brooke says that there are other people in the house, who would like to talk to their boyfriends, too. Brooke goes into the phone room, where Nnenna has set up camp, and says, "How can you not understand the concept of the phone?" Nnenna starts to say that she didn't see anyone around and left the door wide open. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but okay. Brooke then says that it's not very difficult and says, with snappy mock-wonder, that Nnenna is a chemist and can understand all that, but can't understand the concept of the phone. See, I do agree that Nnenna is kind of an ass to be on the phone all the time when others are obviously waiting. However, all Brooke needs to say is, "Nnenna, you've been on the phone for seventeen hours, and other people are waiting to use it. Any chance you're going to get off before Jade turns fifty? Which is actually any day now, but still?" Okay, that's rude, too. I guess I'm not really the go-to person for how to respectfully resolve conflict. Nnenna interviews that she's not at all moved by Brooke's reaction and doesn't care. Brooke, now on a conflict high, starts to talk about something else that's been bothering her (I'm pretty sure it's about how Nnenna tells people that Brooke's a crybaby and/or laughs at her, which I just got by osmosis because it hasn't been mentioned in the episode at all), and Nnenna just totally ignores her, picks the phone right up, and starts dialing. Brooke is stunned. She walks out, and says quite loudly to several other girls that Nnenna's a bitch, and that she's sick of people thinking Nnenna's so great and nice when in fact she's not. We then get an interview with Jade, who says, "Brooke? This is coming out of Brooke's mouth?" Shocking, I know! Jade laughs to Nnenna that Brooke is mad at her. Nnenna could give two shits.

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America's Next Top Model

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