America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Graduates

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Potes: B | 1 USERS: A+
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Stay In School, Bitches

Next is Jaeda being bitten by a vampire. Jay tells her not to hang there limp, and Jaeda voices over that she needs to get going in the competition. Suddenly there is energetic music, which I guess means that she started doing better.

Some of the girls hang out with Fabio, and note that he probably has girls at his house all the time. He jokes that no, he's a virgin. Brooke says that she is too, and Fabio says, "There's still a virgin in Texas?" Oh, the irrepressible Fabio! The virginal Texan is next. Brooke says that she's pretty nervous, perhaps because she's kneeling and clutching Fabio's leg, and is in close proximity to Little Fabio. That would be enough to scare any girl who has not yet been ravaged by the love of a man with thighs the size of tree trunks. Brooke says that it's hard, because she's growing up and is being forced into adulthood. God, it's not like Jay asked her to give Fabio a hand job. Jay tells her that her face is looking like Chunksville. What does that mean? I don't think I'd want to live in Chunksville. Fabio notes with some kindness that Brooke is inexperienced and young, so you have to give her some time.

On the opposite end of experience is Melrose the Madam. She is excited about being on Fabio's lap, and notes that Fabio probably had the time of his life. Fabio tells us that he can't believe that he gets paid for this, and that this is fun. After the shoot, Jay says that everyone needs a cup of cold water, and Melrose asks if Fabio is coming with her. Jay says no way, and Melrose leaves saying, "Ciao, bello."

Back at the Fabio-free home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! And speaking of that, Brooke says that her high-school graduation is during the next panel. She says that if she gets sent home on the night of her graduation, that will going to suck a lot. I'll say! But they would never do that, would they? I couldn't imagine such unnecessary cruelty! Anchal interviews that if the director of Elite is the guest judge, she's screwed, on account of how she's all hefty and shit. And with that, there are commercials.

We return to Panel with Tyra on the cover of a romance novel, all by her lonesome. The title of her book is, Bankable No More: He Stole My Heart and My Bank! Um, clever? Tyra's dress at judging is a whole other matter. You know those t-shirts that are, like, BIG t-shirts, but they have pictures of, like, skinny bodies in bikinis on them? It's like that, but in tube dress form. Her eye makeup is also really scary. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J. is wearing a cockatiel pompadour. Melrose's hair looks terrible. It's all stringy and her roots are growing in. The guest judge is Cathy Gould, director of Elite Model Management, which makes Anchal nervous. The evaluations will be based on both Tyra's black and white photo of the girls and the Fabio cover.

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America's Next Top Model

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