America's Next Top Model

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Elizabeth calls the girls together to give them some notes. She tells Bianca, Chantal, and Lisa that one thing they need to remember is the name of the charity. Oh! She's a straight shooter, isn't she? Heather, Jenah, and Ambreal's PSA was very simple, and Elizabeth says they might want a little more life in it. She tells them to be strong, which seems a little superfluous. Elizabeth loved the female power and sisterhood of Saleisha, Sarah, and Ebony's PSA, but notes that the charity doesn't do prevention; it does treatment. She picks Heather, Jenah, and Ambreal to win, I guess because they didn't have any factual errors. I mean, they all kind of sucked, but I thought Saleisha, Sarah, and Ebony were way better. There is a pedemic of winners who don't deserve their victories sweeping Cycle 9!

Lisa Price, the founder of Carol's Daughter, a "nature-inspired body-care product" company, tells the girls what they have won. Two of the three members of the winning team will get Carol's Daughter gift baskets worth $500 each. They don't look all that big, which means that those are some seriously overpriced products. One person, however, gets to do a photo shoot for Carol's Daughter that is art directed by -- wait for it -- Mary J. Blige. The hell? I'm all for celebrity cameos, but it's like..."Celebrity manager Rene Angelil is here today to show you how to clean the jam out from under your toenails!" It makes no sense. In any case, Lisa pick's Heather's name out of a bowl, and she wins the grand prize. Heather's going to fall into the trap of doing all side profiles just so Mary J. can start wailing, "No more no more no more."

Heather heads off to the shoot, where she meets photographer Matthew Rolston. Hey, that's pretty big stuff. He tells Heather that she's a beautiful girl. Then Heather turns around and sees Mary J. and has to take a moment and remind herself to breathe. She seems so excited to have won and really charming -- I'm glad that she got her name randomly picked out of a bowl for once! The extent of Mary J. Blige's art direction is choosing Heather's wardrobe by saying, "I like this colorful thing," and suggesting that they give her a tan. Turns out what Heather's needed all this time is a tan and a colorful thing, because she looks gorgeous. Matthew gives Heather little tips and helps her reposition her head slightly, which she says is just what she needed. As opposed to anything that Jay does, which is part of a larger pedemic of uselessness. Matthew says that Heather was a little insecure on the first few shots, but he thinks she's going to be fine and has a future in modeling. Mary J. says that Heather's shy and needs a little work in the confidence area, but that she can definitely pull off the modeling thing. Heather looks prettier than ever, I have to say. She gives Mary J. a big hug, and when she does, Mary J.'s the one who looks like she has a mild form of autism.

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America's Next Top Model




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