America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Freaks Out on Horseback

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War Horse
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: We all learned about how Tyra is terrified of getting banged by a dolphin. Also, Kristin bit it!

We enter in Montego Bay Jamaica, where the girls have some structured alone time designed to make it look like they have actual thoughts in their heads. Leila sits on a bench looking out at the water, while Laura wades in the ocean and Nastasia lets the breeze blow through her miraculous hair. Kiara tells us that it's coming down to the wire, and anyone could win -- that's what makes this such an intense and nervewracking experience. Also making the experience nervewracking is the fact that the producers really are trying to get someone killed by a marginally domesticated animal. Ratings bonanza! We get a series of sepia-toned montages -- one for each girl -- that put together the worst of their panel criticism from over the weeks. And then we get a sepia-toned montage of all the various conflicts and personal tragedies that have occurred. Laura was accused of being self-centered! A dolphin gave Leila a bruise! Nastasia had to stand fully clothed in a shower! Kiara was a real-ass bitch! Ah, halcyon days, the best of times.

The ladies head home to find Leila's best of week photo displayed as digital art. Leila tells us that she's quite sad that Kristin went home, before more or less yelling, "Psych!" and telling us that she's actually super happy that the witch is dead, ding dong, etc. Kristin of course terrorized Leila to the best of her abilities, and Leila now realizes that all of the "It Gets Better" videos were true. Laura tells us that panel was stressful, what with the being in the bottom two and all, and she gets extra stressed thinking about her family and home. I thought stress was an unknown concept in the small town of Happyville, where people spend all the time when they would be stressed bragging about having only one traffic light and watching Dynasty reruns. Nastasia tells us that she was born and raised in Harlem, and has been taught the value of working. She's prepared to fight for what she wants, and says that nothing is going to stop her. Well, we'll see about that, won't we?

Leila asks Kiara to join her in the Tyra Suite, because that's what you do with your one half-friend. Leila calls herself the comeback girl, and tells us that it would mean everything to her to make it a few more weeks and win the whole shebang. Of course, winning the competition also means a lot to Kiara. During her crappy youth, Kiara's very sweet-looking grandma told her that there was light at the end of the tunnel. She knows for a fact that this is her light. I mean, yes, there are lights. You're doing photo shoots, after all! I worry that all the flashbulbs have gotten Kiara a wee bit confused. At least she doesn't think she's entering the heavenly kingdom.

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America's Next Top Model

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