America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Deals With A Pervert

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Pick Up The Francophone

Elyse can barely mask her disgust in a confessional about her upcoming dinner with Brad. We're at a twee French place, where Robin goads Pinkert to talk to Shannon, and when they ask him if he enjoyed the shoot today, he pulls off the line, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do" because, when in doubt, do your best Gary Cooper impersonation. Super-duper. Oh, he doesn't know who Gary Cooper is. And he certainly doesn't know that the additional "super-duper" is the other side of a rhyming couplet from the song "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Irving Berlin and so masterfully covered years later by Taco. Robin tries to further conversation by asking Brad what his favorite book is, and he hems a bit before answering that "one of them is the Bible." But Robin, den mother that she is, pushes the issue and asks what another one of his favorite books might be. He has no answer. He's like Constanza when someone asks him who his favorite writer is and he answers, "I like Lupica." Pinkert, a dumb deer trapped in the dim-bulb headlights of an idiotic car operated by Genghis Khan's mutated DNA while reading a Dan Quayle joke book, can't even think of another book. He can't even remember to point to the menu in front of him and be all, "How about this? Is this a book?" Instead, he continues, "I don't read too much." Adrianne takes this opportunity to do an amusing little Shannon impersonation, in which she tells us in a slow Southern accent, "This guy reads the Bible. He gonna be so nice!" Adrianne then drops the accent and continues, "Well, in his little grid in Cosmo Girl, it said his favorite movie was Boogie Nights." As well it should be. It's a great effing movie. Robin strong-arms Brad into taking her on a stroll around Paris, and a sepia-toned montage of them walking around Paris and laughing substitutes for the fact that a less interesting series of conversations has never, ever existed anywhere on the planet.

Tyra Mail! Or whatever it is in French! Shannon reads it really quickly to herself because it's not like she has to disseminate any information on TELEVISION, and all we know is that they have to bring their portfolios and "dress to impress." Robin seems to be lying in a bed right now.

"Today we're gonna do Go Sees," Robin tells us. "You go see a client." What is it about this concept they think we're not going to understand? We're inside the office of Marilyn Gauthier, who is the head of an agency called -- no, wait for it -- "The Marilyn Agency." I guess that's who's sending them out on the Go Sees. Marilyn is a troll-ish French woman who got into this line of work to torture pretty girls. In the next room is a pretty girl named Emma, who tells them that each of them has to hit five Go Sees in four hours, all using the Metro. Now THIS right here is a challenge! ["I would cry, and then quit. Toronto has two (3) subway lines, and that's as complex a public transit system as I can handle." -- Wing Chun] Robin complains that she couldn't just take a cab, and Emma takes the girls outside and tells them to "split up and get going."

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America's Next Top Model

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