America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Deals With A Pervert

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | Grade It Now!
Pick Up The Francophone

More from Pink. He tells Robin, "People love accents in this business." No, they don't. He certainly didn't seem to mention that to Adrianne, even though she's clearly the one with the stronger regional flair. "So don't feel bad if you have an accent from...wherever you come from." That's okay, Pink. We don't know where she's from either. Though I suspect it's in or right near the sovereign nation of "Foreignia," where people hail from when they don't seem to come from any one place in particular. Really, isn't it odd that Pink told Robin that accents were okay, even after the repeated beatings Adrianne has taken for her Chicagoan brogue? I guess it's because "accent" to Pink means "small dialect quirks" and not "the constant, grating low moaning of a eulogy at a teamster funeral."

Pink likes Shannon's body and thinks Kesse could use more confidence. The end. Kesse and Shannon got the shaft. Elyse and Robin got the big bonus.

"I hope you guys learned something today," Eeeew Carey tells them, "Because today we're sending you off to Paris." I...yaaaay? That's it? That's the whole thing? That's the whole approach? The razzle and the dazzle? Because "I hope you guys learned something today" to "today we're sending you off to Paris" is just about the least effective segue I've seen since "the German passenger airship Hindenburg is the largest aircraft ever to fly" to "Oh, the humanity." No wonder they set the entirety of the season's annoucment to music. Would you like me to sing it now? Pink (no songster himself, it would ironically seem) continues on, "The intelligent model traveler packs one bag." So it was "pack your bag, y'all"? Sigh. I don't like this version of history. It hardly even rhymes.

Plinky videogame music plays as Robin quietly swears on a stack of Bibles (and she's got 'em, y'all) as she tries to fit all of her earthly goods (because her heavenly goods have already been shipped guaranteed overnight delivery to the afterworld, y'all) into one small suitcase. Robin insists that they all take a rest from packing, and everyone does so at this moment in order to call their boyfriends before departing. Everyone. Except for Sweet Shannon, The Girl Who Dates The Lord. She confessionalizes, "I've never had a serious boyfriend...So I'm just, like, 'please, Lord, send me somebody sometime.'" Meanwhile, the Lord is all, "Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanoooooooooon, it's meeeeeeeeeee, the Looooooooord!" in an echo-y God voice. "If you waaaaaaaaant a boooooooooyfriend, why not try puuuuuuuuuuuuutting ooooooooooooooout?" What? Stop looking at me like that. Hello. It was the Lord who said those words, not me. Just be glad that I left out the part where He originally said, "Boy, I sure did waste a good pair of tits on you, eh?"

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America's Next Top Model




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