America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Cries Home

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Potes: C+ | Grade It Now!
As If Your Soul is Gone

After a break, Darian gives some taxidermy-style sass, and then it's Maria's turn. A few of the other girls talk about what beautiful bone structure and what a beautiful face she has, and what a shame it is that she's not using it. Maria says that she's a bit removed from the other girls, and also seems to miss the amazing community of intellectuals at Harvard. What, the amazing community of intellectuals at Top Model doesn't rate? I am very shocked to hear that. Allyssa is next, and Johnny loves her Brazilian flair and says that she brought a whole range of emotions. In contrast, Destiny is markedly emotionless. She has only one look, and Johnny says that she wasn't following direction very well. We hear again that Destiny isn't going to leave the competition with nothing. I don't think a photo of your own taxidermied head counts as "nothing."

Then there's Leila. She has a sort of unicorn bun on the top of her head, so tries to give an otherworldly sort of vibe. Johnny seems to like what she's doing. Kiara is next, and says that everybody is coming to watch her shoot since she established herself as the house beeyotch. Victoria tells us that Kiara isn't so much focused as she is pushy and abrasive. Well, there's a ringing endorsement. Victoria adds that she doesn't see Kiara having any of the elements that would lead to a successful career in modeling. And if anyone knows what those elements are, clearly it is Victoria. And that's a wrap!

Back at the house, Kiara talks some more about her absentee mom, who had her when she was only 16, and is very selfish, and also apparently very fertile. Kiara has had to do a lot of things on her own, including heading off to college and moving into her dorm. Her mom making things in her life so difficult has turned Kiara into the fierce woman she is today. And I think she means fierce in both the "fieeeeeeeerce!" sense, and the "beeyotch" sense. Victoria can't even begin to imagine not having a mother figure, which leads Kiara to say that she admires their relationship. "Admires" might be a bit strong, there.

This leads to Victoria confessionalizing that her mom is the one who loves her so selflessly, and she feels like part of her is missing being apart from her. Victoria then gets to call her mom, and is straight-up crying before her mom even picks up the phone. When her mom does answer, the sobbing reaches a whole other level. Darian says, and I quote, "This is the thing. There's nothing wrong with being weird. You can love your mom and talk about her. But I think Victoria just takes it to a whole nother level." This from someone who says there's nothing wrong with being weird! In other words, Victoria's behavior is rather extreme. She asks more mom for some words of encouragement, and her mother replies, "Armor of God, always." Hmm. Just as Victoria is asking her mom if she's seen her photos online, Darian knocks on the door of the phone booth with a five-minute warning. Victoria spends precious moments crying about this. She tells us, "It was just absolutely enthralling to be able to talk to her. I am going to win America's Next Top Model for my mom. I want to achieve and attain this victory for her." Victoria sounds like a robot who's learned English from a word-a-day calendar. As she sobs some more, we see Kristin continuing to be the secret best by straight-up cackling.

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America's Next Top Model




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