America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Cries Home

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Potes: C+ | Grade It Now!
As If Your Soul is Gone

Back at the house, there is a screen up featuring the challenge scores. While Yvonne is at the top with a perfect 10, Kristin and Jessie circle the drain with 4s. Victoria's groundbreaking performance only got a 7. To be a pioneer is sometimes to be misunderstood. One of the girls says, "It's not just their opinion, it's actual, like, numbers." It's actually a numerical value that represents their subjective and likely hastily assembled opinions, but okay. Yvonne is psyched to be in the Tyra Suite, which has a nice bed and also smells good.

Out in the kitchen, Destiny wonders aloud why she got such a low score. Kiara theorizes that maybe it was because she was too sexy and "too stripper." Destiny does not enjoy this comparison, and soon afterwards complains to the other girls about it. Kiara is lurking around the corner while Destiny talks shit about how Kiara talked shit about her, but soon comes in to tell her to talk to her personally if she has a question about something she said. She clarifies that she was trying to help and give constructive criticism, and then tells us that she was actually doing a FAVOR to Destiny, like pointing out that she had something in her teeth. I don't know that that's a really valid one-to-one comparison -- "you've got some spinach in there" versus "you look like a stripper." The whole thing does put me in mind of Simon Doonan's infamous, "I would never say anybody's a ho. I would say that's ho style," shenanigans of yore.

After a commercial break the confrontation continues, with Kiara emphasizing that she was just trying to help, and if Destiny doesn't want her very helpful constructive criticism, then she should have fun losing the competition. Darian notes that Kiara need not get so defensive, and Kiara points out that Darian needs to mind her business. As the captain of her basketball team and the oldest of seven kids, Kiara tells us that she's a natural born leader. She doesn't take so well to Darian enthusiastically bidding her goodnight as she says she's going to bed. Meanwhile, Kristin sits around in the middle of it all eating candy like a boss.

Oh, and then YAY! It's time for calisthenics with Victoria! She's out in the yard, doing some vintage '80s Denise Austin movements, or maybe even Gilad's Bodies in Motion. I bet dusty Denise Austin VHS tapes comprise the official home schooling phys-ed curriculum. Victoria tells us that she has never felt such a weird and confusing conglomeration of emotions. She misses her mom, but also wants to stay in the competition because she has so much talent to show. Aerobic talent too, it turns out. If she added a colorful sweatband on her head right now, she would be even more perfect. We hear the other girls talk about her, and someone simply says, "Dude, Victoria." Another girl replies, "Something's not right." It's not right, and yet also so very right! All at once! Now it is I who have never felt such a weird and confusing conglomeration of emotions. Kiara theorizes that there's something going on, and Victoria's mom is the only one who knows what, and that this is why Victoria clings to that relationship so much. But...what is that thing? Other than Grey Gardens syndrome? Victoria certainly IS a staunch character. As Laura says that she has a great relationship with her mom, but hasn't gone to the extreme of not letting anyone else into her life, we see Victoria doing grapevines. It is, you will agree, magical.

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America's Next Top Model




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