America's Next Top Model
The Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model (Season 7)

Episode Report Card
Potes: C+ | 1 USERS: B
Battle Of The Blands
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: screaming girls! Thirteen, to be exact, who have taken the competition to terrifying levels, according to Tyra. They've had to deal with big wind tunnels, bulls, wobbly runways, and Fabio. And don't forget Monique's crusty underwear. Three girls have survived it all. There's Eugena, the "sassy siren from Southern California," who threw a lot of attitude at casting, and then kind of sucked as a model. For a while. And then she started doing a lot better and secretly became my favorite, even though the judges started to doubt that she really wanted it. Whatever, judges. Go eat some pork rinds. You'll find them all crunched up in Tyra's bustier.

And then there's Melrose. Sigh. She's the "hyperconfident" clothing designer from San Francisco. She knows fashion, but her early overconfidence and diva attitude pissed everyone off. And then she was in the bottom two in the first episode! I forgot about that. Oh, if only I could set my DeLorean to go back twelve weeks. And then Melrose won challenge after challenge and had really good photos. Also, everyone hated her. And those two facts really don't have all that much to do with each other, despite what she may claim. This perfectionist has to handle the pressure, and prove that there's a soft side under that fierce façade. And also that she doesn't suck as a human being. We'd need a fifteen-part mini-series of a finale to get a chance at that.

And then there's Caridee, the "stunner from North Dakota with a big personality and a powerful motivation to succeed." And do you know what that motivation is? Yes, psoriasis. What sweet vindication it would be to make the journey from scaly freak to top model. "With her psoriasis behind her," Caridee's good-times attitude was pretty much enjoyed by all, until she intimated that Nigel had a stick up his ass. This show is not a fan of the truth. She got a big lecture about having class, dignity, and respect. Can Caridee reign in her wild personality before it spirals out of control? Oh, who cares. Seriously, this final three is particularly uninspiring.

We are still in Barcelona. Melrose, Eugena, and Caridee meet Jay Manuel in a park of some sort. He tells them that they're going to be doing a commercial and print ad for Cover Girl Outlast Lip Shine. No big surprise there. Caridee says that it's every girl's dream to do a Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot. I guess I didn't get that memo. Jay is going to direct the commercial (oh, goody), and Jim DeYonker will shoot the Cover Girl ad. We see photos of Joanie and Danielle from last season. Hey, remember them? I liked them. The winner of the season will have the photo that is shot today featured in a national magazine as a Cover Girl ad. Jay says that they needed to have a real Cover Girl on the scene today, but the only person they could actually get was Season 6 winner Dani(elle).

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America's Next Top Model




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