America's Next Top Model
The Girl Gets Rushed To The Emergency Room

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But some Revlon-brand plot thickener has been added to the mix in the form of Nicole saying that she doesn't want to go to...wherever it is they're going. She says that she does not feel well, and Jay asks, "You realize what you're turning down?" I do not realize what she's turning down. But Jay responds, "You could be putting someone ahead of you," which Nicole says is just "silly." Even Elyse knows the value of not biting the manicured hand that feeds you when she confessionalizes, "It's not worth alienating the judges, and I don't think she came up with a good enough excuse." Jay vents on, "So you go back home and you do what? Work at Burger King?" Ack! I guess blue collars aren't the in style on the runways again this season.

We're totally going to the Indian Consulate! Weird. Charlie's Weirdest Angels of Elyse, Adrianne, and Robin walk into the New India House flanked by their wee entourage of Jay. They encounter Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, who throws the doors open to some interior chamber and introduces them to some of Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan's "dear friends in fashion," a gallery of freaks including Count Maximillian Tucci, whose subtitle merely refers to him as a "socialite." He is exactly what normal people like us fear about the fashion world, sitting languidly on a couch with a downturned sneer and models on either side of him and, since smoking stopped being de rigueur among New York society types, a constantly-lit cigarette installed on the inside of his mouth. Also in the crowd are Janice Combs ("socialite and P. Diddy's mother," and no I am not kidding), and, heaven forbid, a woman with a real job named Constance White, who used to be the fashion editor for the New York Times. They stand around judging, judging, judging, until a fashion designer named Anand Jon steps forward and we learn that, this evening, the activity is going to be the three girls trying on clothes and having everyone in the room critique them. How on earth could Heather have wanted to miss out on this? Constance loves Adrianne's look and thinks Elyse is perfect for the runway, sharing her feelings about Robin: "The industry for large sizes is booming." Wow. Even the plus-size model industry doesn't want to try the salad! You talk about your synergy.

Back at the Penthouse, Nicole writes a letter longhand because suddenly she's Jane Fucking Eyre, and she tells us that if this whole modeling thing doesn't work out, she's going to start thinking about getting married. Well, crack open the Bachelor application, then, because it's not going to happen with boyfriend Cory, I don't think. She finally gets him on the phone, and for some reason they've chosen to put up professional headshots of him looking really angry and put off. She tells him that she's "not happy" with him right now, telling him she's tried to call him every day and that he's not being a supportive boyfriend. "Did you try to call me yesterday? The day before? The day before?" Did you bullshit last week? No. Did you try to bullshit last week? Yes. Ahhhhh, look it up. And then, they fight. She asks him, "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to drop out right now?" He pauses a minute because he's translating from Dick to English in his head and responds, "A little." Eesh. He tries to bullshit every week.

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America's Next Top Model

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