America's Next Top Model
The Girl Gets Rushed To The Emergency Room

Episode Report Card
Djb: A | Grade It Now!
Makeover, Makeover, Makeover: The Makeover Episode

Tyra Mail! Tyra Mail! "Tomorrow, seven of you will continue on to become America's Next Top Model. One of you will be eliminated." Nicole lies on her bed eating chips, which is the first sign that she's heading down the slippery slope, and that slippery slope is totally greased with delicious onion dip made from sour cream and soup packets. Giselle jokes that Nicole is going home, and Nicole responds, "I'm not going nowhere. I've still got two damn weeks' worth of clothes." I was going to tell y'all how much Nicole's grammar makes me sic in the above statement, but it dawned on me that, double-negative included, "I'm not going nowhere" is actually the correct construction of what she's trying to say.

Adrianne, too, knows she's not going to get eliminated, "because I try too damn hard." But in the confessional where she shares this knowledge, she starts to look a little horrible, and a cut later she's a shaking, crying, shivering mess, being ushered into the elevator and taken to the hospital. Tyra tells us that if Adrianne doesn't show up at the elimination she'll be booted because it wouldn't be fair to the other girls, and at the emergency room at Lenox Hill, we see Adrianne crawl through the front door telling us she lied that she felt better to get out of the hospital. "She's a tough broad," Elyse tells us, quickly adding, "as she would say in her own words" because kids today love the postmodern self-referentialism.

Last Judgment Day. Adrianne crawls in and stands with the rest of the Crazy 8's. Tyra lays down the prizes one more time and introduces the judges, including special guest judge Jay Manuel. He'll be administering the challenge this week. On the television screen in the room appears a photo of Tyra after she's had all the crack, a style which Jay calls "extreme beauty." Except, duh, for the "beauty" part. They each receive a copy of the photograph and get twenty minutes to recreate the photo with their own makeup. Tyra looks like she's been drowned in a river of ugly.

Or been victimized by food poisoning, which is what Adrianne tells the judges she has. ["Is that the new slang for 'kicking heroin'? Oh, I'm not saying Adrianne is a junkie. I'm just asking. In general. Not about Adrianne. And heroin." -- Wing Chun] She looks awful enough for the gritty photo realism of it all as it is, and the judges tell her that the makeup is perfect. Janice offers her a "well done" for showing up today. Adrianne's picture runs the gamut from "amazing" to "gorgeous," because the fry guys will never steal her mojo, ever. Though I'm a little unhappy with Adrianne for forcing me to use the word "mojo."

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America's Next Top Model




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