America's Next Top Model
The Girl Everyone Thinks Is A Backstabber

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | 2 USERS: A+
Shut Up, Amanda

Tyra Mail. The girls head to an Indian restaurant (oh, foreshadowing) where Jay Manuel -- in a cream-colored blazer with a fucking sequined lapel and no shirt underneath, no less -- greets them and introduces them to Cover Girl Kiara Kabukuro (KK). I'm sorry, but he is not deserving of the title "Mr." I'm going to start calling him The Widow Jay. Or maybe The Dowager Jay.

The Dowager Jay says that the girls will be tested on their skill at creating a natural look using Cover Girl Cosmetics. Julie asks KK if, as a woman of ethnicity, she feels like she has a lot of competition in the modeling world. Well, she'll have one less ethnic competitor by the time this episode is over, Julie. For today's challenge, the prize will be the opportunity to attend, with The Dowager Jay and KK, "a very fabulous industry party where you're going to meet all these influential and beautiful people." The challenge consists of the girls all piling into one limo and doing their hair and makeup, as well as getting dressed, in ten minutes on the way to the party. Jay calls this a "realistic situation."

The girls get in the limo. Jay counts down and someone, who appears to be Yaya, leaps across the others to get to a bag of products. Pandemonium! Concealer is flying! Models are in various stages of undress! Because I'm thorough and I take my job very seriously, I played this whole scene in slow motion. Oh, fine. Just in case the editors accidentally left in shots of any naughty bits. Sadly, they did not. More pandemonium.

At the party (and Jay has TOTALLY drawn on man cleavage with Cover Girl eyeliner, by the way), The Dowager Jay and KK evaluate the girls to determine the winner. Yaya is not confident because -- guess what? -- she has bad skin. Amanda, who looks like a freaking streetwalker in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and black midriff-baring top, thinks that she looks good, and that she followed the makeup instruction well. But too bad, Amanda, because Norelle is the winner. Yay! Norelle gets to take three buddies, and she picks her roommates -- Eva, Ann, and "Kristi." The four of them get to wear Anand Jon fashions to the party. And Anand Jon is there -- try to contain your excitement. But he is Indian, and guess is Julie! Anand looks like an Indian Fabio.

The rest of the girls have to wear catering outfits. Because they're serving the food. Ha! Cassie pissily interviews, "Our loser prize was to be a server for the night and wear this horrible polyester outfit that was hot. Bow tie and everything." Oh, be glad that you get to be there at all, you skank. Norelle is excited about her first industry party. The girls enter, and you could drive a Mack truck through Ann's cleavage, which is prominently on display in a deep v-neck dress. The four winners mingle and meet some freaks of the fashion world. The other girls work and serve. Kelle, having never dried a dish in her life, breaks a glass. Cassie is disappointed: "In Oklahoma, people look at me, and I don't feel like people are looking at me here." Well, in Oklahoma you're naked, wrapped around a pole, and gyrating. So if you want some attention, bust out the pasties. She's not having much fun. Oh, poor, poor small fish.

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America's Next Top Model




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