America's Next Top Model

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Top Model: Dalya won a fiery challenge in which, despite all hopes and plans, no one got even the slightest bit maimed. Kasia worked her curves, attitude, and thespian prowess in a Mad Men style commercial for Fierce Roast Coffee, while Alexandria worked everyone's nerves by continuing to be such a control freak. Sara could not channel her vintage sex appeal and was sent back to being a poor, feminist creeper. Nine bitches remain!

The girls return to their house and see what appears to be a mall photo booth-generated painting representing Kasia's best-of-week commercial displayed as digital art. Kasia is thrilled that she's finally come in first, and reiterates some of the praise displayed on the digital art -- she milked every second, she says, which is what you have to do. Do we really have to have bovine implications when talking about the plus-sized girl? Dalya tells us that Kasia was amazing, but she has no doubt in her mind that she (meaning Dalya herself) can be one of the strongest competitors in the house. She's been modeling since she was 16, she says, and has also already experienced L.A. fashion week. Intriguing! Dalya always seemed particularly green to me. She should brag about that stuff more so we think she has a chance. Dalya doesn't think that some of the girls in the house appreciate the magnitude of the opportunity they have to be a Cover Girl, and to trim Andre Leon Talley's toenails, or whatever else they win.

While Monique soaks in the tub, Brittani and Alexandria chat. Brittani is hurt that she did her best, but then was told that she fucked it up. As we have all learned from one Mr. James Ingram, sometimes your best isn't good enough. And sometimes your all is too much. To make the magic last for more than just one night is a difficult task. For her part, Alexandria feels that she was misunderstood when Jay told her that she was trying to direct. We are reminded that Tyra said this was the last time she'd warn Alexandria about her stank attitude. Meaning, if you keep being so whack, you're going home. Alexandria interviews that all that legitimate criticism is a really heavy burden on her chest, because she's a positive, artistic California girl. You can be all of those things and still be really annoying. Alexandria doesn't like it when people don't "get" her. Oh girl, please.

There is Tyra Mail! "Every good lesson starts with a good foundation. Love, Tyra." Alexandria says that this is a challenge if she's ever heard one. All the girls give the same, "What are you even talking about?" look that the rest of us are giving to our TVs.

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America's Next Top Model




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