America's Next Top Model
Next Top Model: British Invasion, Part II

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Union Jacked Up
Next, more swimsuits! The girls are shooting a perfume commercial that involves bikinis, boys, and speaking French. The girls have to go underwater and then emerge, saying, "I've waited all my life for you," first in English, then in French, and then kiss a dude. Lisa tells us that it's "an erotic pool shoot." I have to confess that I don't find pools erotic at all. I can't get over the chlorine stench. How is that supposed to make you feel sexy? Your eyes are all red and you have flashbacks to swimming lessons at the Y and the fear that you are, in fact, swimming amidst the urine of others. Which is a fear rooted in reality, quite frankly. Hott. Anyway, Abigail, the aforementioned "too much sex on a stick," dives right in and goes for the snogging full-force. Tamar, however, is a bit waterlogged. She coughs. Then bug-eyed Sam spits out water and resembles nothing so much as a crack whore. Who knows, maybe that's the look she's going for? When it's Lianna's turn, she confesses that the male model stuck his tongue in her mouth, and that it was horrible. Lianna, how are you going to be an officer of the law with an attitude like that? Albino Lucy looks hideous and gives the most chaste kiss known to man. She also looks like she has no teeth. Pretty. Casting director Beth Clarkham tells her that it was not good at all, and was totally unnatural. Lucy tells us that the whole thing was a nightmare and she hopes she'll never have to do that again. When it's time for the critique, Amber is told to never go for a commercial to do with swimming. Hee! Then casting director Beth tells Lucy that she doesn't know what she's doing there, and adds that she doesn't seem to be thinking about anything. Outside, Lucy and Amber comfort each other. Lucy actually says, "Give me a cuddle," and the two hug as soft music plays. Oooh la la! Maybe pools are romantic after all. After the shoot, Lianna uses her tongue again... this time to lash out at Abigail. In the limo on the way home, she says that there's a thin line between a bloody porn film and a bloody perfume advert, and Abigail crossed that line. She adds, "Shoving your boobs in a man's face will not sell perfume." Except to that man. And then you'll have new perfume! Stop being such a downer, Officer O'Prudenham, and use your boobs the way God intended them. To get stuff. Next, there is a photo shoot with a surprise burlesque theme. Hilary tells them that burlesque means sexy, fun, sensual, strutty, and fabulous, but they don't want sluts. Abigail is saddened by this news. The girls get outfitted, and Hilary takes delight in pulling their corset ties ever tighter. Sarah gets some good feedback, but photographer Mike Owen says that Georgina has bad skin, and also very large bags under her eyes, "which isn't going to help her, poor thing." When you add, "Poor thing," after an insult, it makes it seem doubly cutting for some reason. Asha appears to have her boobs out. British TV is the best. Hilary says that Asha disappointed her, because she has one of the most gorgeous smiles that God has ever given a girl. However, when it comes to her eyes, the lights are on but there's nobody home. She does look kind of dumb, I have to say. Lianna followed direction well, says Mike, but she needs to work out. He adds that a lot of the girls could stand going to the gym once in a while. Tyra.

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America's Next Top Model




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