America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!

More Tyra Mail! "Take it from me, the runway is the worst place for excess baggage. Love, Tyra." The girls, being mysteriously a little smarter in figuring out the Tyra Mail hints than in seasons past, deduce that they'll be doing a runway show with bags. I'm totally going to apply for grant funding to do a study testing the effect of Blue's Clues on reality contestants' ability to puzzle out their various mail. Fo guarantees us that someone's going to get eliminated right off the runway. This freaks everyone out extra, and especially Allison. She's certain that if there is a runway elimination, she's going home. With that, we head to commercials.

When we return, Teyona returns from her redo makeover. It looks exactly the same as it did before. She, however, seems to think that she looks a lot better. It's the case of the Emperor's New Weave. With this bit of housekeeping out of the way, the girls head to their challenge. They meet Miss J. and special guest Jill Stuart! The girls will be walking in Jill's spring runway collection, on a runway that actually looks real! However, there's one catch. The girls will be walking with bags -- shopping bags, specifically. They're going to have to make use of all that runway etiquette they learned. The girls head to hair and makeup, and Tahlia is determined to bring more confidence to her walk. Several of the girls practice walking back and forth and back and forth like the hamsters they are. Natalie says with scorn that the girls maniacally practicing are going to freak themselves out. Allison freaks herself out whether she practices or not. Miss J. then introduces the girls to "special" guest Ann Shoket, editor-in-chief of Seventeen. Ann is no closer to being 17 than she was six seasons ago, despite her ruffly shirt. She tells the girls that they're going to rock the runway, because she's so cool and fly and rad, like a very much older sister who insists on stealing your clothes even though they make her look like a tool.

It's just about time for the runway show to begin! There's actually, like, a crowd and stuff. It's kind of exciting. Celia starts off the show and is a vision in white. She doesn't have another model to worry about yet, but does have to dodge a fire hydrant that's randomly placed in the middle of the runway. This is when you need someone like Crazy Lisa to make a full stop and lift her leg. Celia thrives off of having all eyes on her, which is of course the first qualification for reality famewhoredom. Natalie is next. She tells us that she likes to take risks, because risks get you noticed. And so, a bit less than halfway down the runway she makes an awkward twirl. The editors pipe in some background noise of a crowd talking scandalously about something that was totally not Natalie's runway twirl. I mean, it was dumb, but I don't think it caused quite that reaction. Miss J. does have a pretty fierce eye roll, though. Despite it all, Jill Stuart likes Natalie, so I guess her heaping mounds of confidence were good for something after all. Tahlia is next and manages not to push Natalie off the runway when she has the opportunity. She tries to up the confidence level, but all Miss J. can say is, "What the hell was that turn?"

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America's Next Top Model




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