America's Next Top Model

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A House Divided
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls had to create some sparks with Mr. Nigel Barker, who was acting as a "shy model." Angelea did her patented Hammer dance, while Jessica was like a video on the dangers of sexual harassment. The girls worked the fake and the funk at their photo shoot, which was like a PSA on the dangers of buying designer knockoffs. Tatianna was something like a model knockoff herself, so was sent back to whatever dank basement where she drains bodies of their blood on a volunteer basis. Eight bitches remain!

We begin in the limo, where Angelea is excited to have had been called second for two weeks in a row. However, she wants a best-of-week photo. There's only one way to do this, she tells us: take these bitches out. Alasia also seems like she's pretty happy, though she tells us that growing up in the hood/ghetto/projects, she had a problem with her self-esteem. The stank always comes from pain, doesn't it? Alasia says she's gaining confidence in the competition. Being a model is her biggest dream, and she's not going to let anybody -- including herself -- stand in the way of that. Alasia is sometimes surprisingly wise. ALT totally tapped into that in week one, when he saw her arm dangling across the crack of her bare ass in a photo and wanted to hang her in his salon.

As Angelea continues to be excited as hell, Raina asks if it's weird for her to have another empty bed in her room. Angelea points out that it's not America's Next Top Models plural. There can only be one. Basically, she could give a fraction of two shits when someone goes home. Raina, with a little stink in her voice, says she wasn't asking if Angelea liked it or not, she was asking if it's weird. Angelea, with a little stink in her face, says no. Krista interviews that she, Angelea, Anslee, and Alasia are straightforward, and are "the realest people in the house." On the other side are "people who need each other." Ah, the fools who value human relationships! They will certainly perish in a nuclear apocalypse, creating a super-race of Amazonian creatures who will take a bitch out as soon as they ask her the time. Anyway, the opposing faction includes Brenda, Raina, and Jessica. Alexandra is not mentioned, and to be honest the first time I watched this episode I completely forgot that she existed until the photo shoot came around. That can't be good. Krista says, "We don't get along, y'all. The house is definitely, definitely divided." Jesus and Abraham Lincoln both foretold what would come of this, and it isn't pretty. Thank goodness there were no confessional booths in biblical times or during the Civil War. "General Grant is getting on my damn nerves! I'm about to pop him -- with a musket!"

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America's Next Top Model

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