America's Next Top Model

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Beautiful Disaster

There is Tyra Mail! "Just because it doesn't fit, doesn't mean you should be clothes-minded. Love, Tyra." Elina figures out that they're going to be challenged to work with clothes that don't fit. Clark agrees, and says that you work with what you've got. Which is exactly what she and her man jaw and club hand and rancid personality have been doing all these years.

The next morning, Joslyn makes a phone call to her sister, Carlisia. Carlisia's voice is perhaps even squeaker than Joslyn's, and I think some sort of sociologist should rush to their ancestral home to conduct a squeak nature vs. nurture study. Joslyn explains to Carlisia that she started off strong, but now she's not doing so hot. She confessionalizes that she hasn't produced a good photo in weeks. I thought she was doing okay until last week? In any case, she's getting so frustrated with herself and her mind. She worries that the magic is gone. Carlisia tells it like it is, saying that if she doesn't have a good photo a few weeks in a row the judges might send her home because she's not improving. Joslyn says that she's trying, and Carlisia tells her to try harder. I'm totally going to have Carlisia as my backup life coach, for those moments when Tremaine is on vacation.

The girls head to a sketchy abandoned warehouse, as they are wont to do. Out of the service elevator comes Miss Paulina Porizkova, wearing a truly unfortunate suit. Oh, I really don't like seeing her this way! Clark tells us that she thought Paulina could rock anything, but this particular outfit was too much even for a supermodel. Paulina welcomes the girls to reality, and says that if they're lucky enough to be working models, 90% of the time they'll be doing catalogue. And in catalogue, you have to wear truly hideous clothes and make them look good. She tells them to look around, and they might find things that will help them to make hideous clothes look a little better - things such as shoulder pads and water bottles and duct tape. She tells the girls to change into their hardhats and tool belts, as you do. She's going to change into something a little more tolerable, and then she'll meet them upstairs.

Once the girls head upstairs, Paulina - in a tank top and jeans that are indeed much more tolerable - tells the girls that they're taking part in a self-styling challenge. They have five minutes to get into whatever hideous outfit has been assigned to them and use implements from their tool belt and elsewhere to make said hideous outfit fit better. And then Paulina shall evaluate them. The girls begin, and it looks like the binder clip is the tool of choice in many cases. Yet another reason to steal office supplies! As if you needed one. Paulina tells Marjorie that her pants are truly awful, and she's going to have to work them. We cut to a Marjorie confessional, in which she says it's very hard for her to see the judges as people she can talk to. Thus, it's hard for her to act normally. You know, like she does all the time in every other situation. The girls have a few minutes left and Paulina tells them to be aware of the range of motion they'll have if they stick three water bottles in the back of their pants. Good advice, good advice. We see Sam taking a shirt that's too large in the bust area and twisting the front to create a cool texture. She tells us it looks awesome. What Sam should really do with every challenge is think, "What would Jeremy Scott say if I did this with his clothing?" But we'll get to that momentarily.

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America's Next Top Model

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