America's Next Top Model

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Missoni Accomplished
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Top Model: The girls got a visit from impish top designer Zac Posen, and then got to walk in his fashion show. While a commercial shoot on roller skates brought back some painful memories for Kayla, Ann bit it on the pavement repeatedly. Ann's lack of balance and confidence landed her in the bottom two, but it was a sparkless Esther who was sent home. Six bitches remain!

The top six girls celebrate their status in the happy bus home from panel. Liz tells us that her commercial was god-awful. WE KNOW. When she's nervous or feels like she's doing bad, she says, she tries to laugh or make a joke. As you may remember, this is not the crowd for those types of shenanigans. It looks like Liz doesn't care, and the only thing Tyra hates worse than someone who doesn't care is someone who constantly complains. So, basically Liz is screwed. She says that this competition can change not only her life but her daughter's, and so she has to show Tyra that she's going to be there, be present, and do what she has to do. "Being present" doesn't sound particularly like a strategy designed to impress, does it?

When the girls arrive home, they see Chris's commercial displayed as digital art. She's psyched, and says she's damn proud of herself. Chris isn't the best model, but she feels like she has an extra oomph that some of the other girls don't carry. Cut to oomphless Ann. She tells us that her commercial was also bad, and that her shyness and awkwardness is really becoming a problem. It's kind of an awesome problem if you're a viewer, but for poor Ann it must be disheartening. Ann started off very strong in the competition and got five consecutive best photos, but she hasn't been doing quite so well in the past two panels. She tells us that she has to step it up and act like she's sure of herself, even if she isn't. Fake it till you make it! It's truly the best strategy for a whole host of things. We see Ann curled up on the floor, and the distance between the top of her head and her pre-osteoporitic hump is really something spectacular.

Chris sings that it smells like butt in the kitchen, which is prescient, since Miss J. is about to enter. When he comes in he also says that it smells like ass in the kitchen, which I think is deflection, like when you fart and you look around as if you're appalled by the smell and are trying to figure out whose butt emitted such a foul odor. Don't tell me you don't do it. Miss J. says this is the first season that's had a cast house on the beach, so he wants to take the girls to see some of Venice. On bikes! He leads the girl in a row, just like ducks, through the streets of Venice. They wind up by a canal of some sort, and get off of their bikes to walk up on a bridge. J. tells them that this is the location of their next photo shoot, and that they'll be diving from the bridge into the water. He asks if anyone has problems swimming. Ann isn't a strong swimmer and is getting nervous.

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America's Next Top Model

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