America's Next Top Model

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Hair Apparent

Monique is getting fusion bond extensions, which means that they'll be adding hair instead of cutting it. Again, this is a huge missed opportunity on Tyra's part. I think the lack of interviews during casting week deprived her of recognizing who the real nits are. Monique exclaims, "I get my way! I love my life! I always get what I want. Usually." She's just shot up on the "most punchable contestant" rankings. Or maybe it's that Alexandria hasn't had much screen time so far this episode. Miss J. tells her that her look is very sexy, which is her thing anyway. And then Monique sarcastically talks about how hard it is to be so sexy. I really hope Tyra finds some alternate way to shave her bald. Monique says that she's a little curvy and has more of a figure than the rest of the models. Her mission is not to look so sexy in her poses. We then see her post-makeover photo, which features bedroom eyes, a slightly open mouth, and one boob hanging out. Way to reach your goals.

Sara is next, and thankfully her rat-tail is the first thing to go. She grabs the rat-tail and says to someone, "Do you want to lick it?" I now don't feel remotely bad that she's not getting the weave she so desired. As predicted, Sara is getting short, manly spikes. She's disappointed, but really anything is better than what she came in with. Sara tells us that her gender identity muddles both masculine and feminine, and also that she has a hairy neck. Do you want to lick it? Still displeased, Sara tells us that the crew thought that a manly cut would highlight her androgynous features. She confesses to Miss J. her weave hopes, but notes that this cut is designed for her special, manly face. And really, she looks like the lanky baby dyke who I totally would have had a crush on back in 1998. The cut suits her well.

Alexandria's roots are touched up, and she also tells us that she's getting wavy, long hair. You'd think she'd be happy, but no. Alexandria tells us that has very good intuition, and can feel that something's going wrong. She pulls her weavologist aside and talks about some flat pieces and smushed pieces that really should be perfectly round. Brittani is appalled that Alexandria would tell the weavologist how to do her job. And you know, I was appalled too, and then I saw what happened to Molly. It's quite possible that Alexandria was right on this one. Although it's also quite possible that Alexandria just pissed off the weave team and they took it out on another blonde head. Alexandria cries that she doesn't like fake hair, and if she has to have it she wants it to look okay. Her weavologist tells her not to worry about it, and that it will be beautiful. She says that they'll take care of Alexandria. The way that Alexandria behaved and treated the people in the salon made Jaclyn want to yell at her (such strong words!). Alexandria thinks she knows everything, and Jaclyn says that her behavior was unacceptable. Eventually, probably because she got her rage out, Alexandria feels like she's on track. She ultimately loves her longer, straighter, blonder hair, and tells us that she needs for things to be done her way, because her way is the right way. Nobody will screw with her confidence, she says. Because then it might impede her ability to screw with everyone else's confidence, and we can't have that.

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America's Next Top Model

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